Friday, April 20, 2012

The Vampiress Episode: Son of the Beach

"Hamm Stroker's Suck My Blood"
Season 3
Episode 8

Son of the Beach was a television show that aired on the FX Network in the United States from 2000 to 2002.  Produced by Howard Stern and starring Timothy Stack as out of shape head life guard "Notch Johnson" the show was a parody of Baywatch, following the hijinks of the lifeguards at SPF 30 (that's "Shore Patrol Force").  Honestly it's nothing more than a reason to put hot women in bikini's as there is little to no depth as far as the stories and almost always a comment that leads to a cutaway to a lesbian fantasy scene (ala Family Guy).  In other words it was a shows that the average Joe would love.

In the episode "Hamm Stroker's Suck My Blood" a vampire comes to Malibu adjacent with the intent of turning everyone in there into her own personal vampire army (there is also a sub plot in this episode about one of the female lifeguards producing a play but that's not important to this blog).

Vampiress Cast

As I said in the show summary the show doesn't have much depth so yes, she is named after a beauty product.  Anyway, played by Musetta Vander, Nutragena is the vampire who is trying to turn the residents of Malibu Adjacent.  The true reason for her actions is she has to have 40 souls in order to live forever.

Porcelain Bidet

Such a beautiful woman to be named after a toilet, Porcelain was played by former WWE diva and Playboy Playmate Amy Weber.  She was the first member of SPF to be turned when she gets bitten by Israeli lifeguard Noccas Johnsteen (Gilbert Gottfried) who after being turned resembles a really cheesy Dracula and becomes Nutragena's right hand. 

Kimberlee Clark

 Played by Kimberly Oja, Kimberlee was the "modest" and conservative female of the SPF crew.  Normally seen in a one piece and playing the straight role to the rest of the females who were portrayed as dumb bimbo's in two piece bikini's. In this episode Kimberlee was a little down in the dumps as she felt her life was boring and wished she had more excitement.  She eventually gets the excitement she's looking for when Naccas brings the now vampiric Porcelain to bite her and turn her into a vampire.

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