Thursday, May 17, 2012

Vampiress Review:"My Vampire Lover"

The Gist: A lonely female vampire moves into a new neighborhood in search of a woman she can spend the rest of eternity with.

Clarification: Monique is a lesbian vampire with one major problem.   All she wants is a committed relationship but whenever she tries to turn a woman she falls for they end up dying.  All she wants is to find one who'll survive her otherwise fatal kiss and she'll blow through every woman who knocks on her door to find her. 

Female Vampire Factor: This Film gets a Vampire Beauty rating of 2 out of 5.  This had potential for more but the movie itself seemed to be hastily put together and you can tell.  90% of it looks like it's being shot in a gym, classroom or cafeteria converted to "look" like an apartment and most of the film consists of the same "girl knocks on door, Monique answers, seduces girl, they have sex, Monique politely asks to see the girls neck and bites" format and the end could only look more rushed if someone just wandered onto the set, looked at the camera and said "That's all we've got, thanks!"  This is definitely not something you watch if you're looking for substance.

Vampiress Cast

Paige Richards (Monique)
Monique is a very friendly vampire who's just horny a lot.  She also isn't very modest as she's not totally against answering doors in nothing but lingerie.  Her biggest downfall in this film  (I kid you not) is the need to have cable TV installed in her home or the inability to close her blinds when she's fanging out on some naked woman.  Someone with time, money and know how could have made this a pretty decent Fright Night parody instead of whatever it ended up being. 

Full Film

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