Thursday, May 24, 2012

Vampiress Review:"Shower of Blood"

The Gist: Two couples go on a trip to visit a relative of one of the girls just to find that he's become a vampire.

Clarification:  There is no clarifying this movie.   Literally it's four people arguing for no good reason for an hour and a half with a few topless scenes thrown in. Between boob shots there's a vampire that acts more like an over exaggerated molester than a blood sucker.

Female Vampire Factor: This movie gets a Vampire Beauty rating of 1 out of 5.  There are two in the film and neither get screen time past a few seconds despite the cover art of the DVD though 1 is a main character.

Vampiress Cast

Lia Montelongo (Lisa)
 If her name sounds familiar but you can't place why then you must be an old school gamer.  This fitness model was the motion capture artist who played "Sindel" in the video game Mortal Kombat 3.  In this movie she plays "Lisa".  Lisa is one of two females in really horrible relationships in this film which are good for some absolutely frustrating scenes (this movie is one long frustrating scene actually).  Anyway it's her Uncle Marty who is stricken with a case of vampirism and apparently it runs in the family.   Going through the entire movie and trying (unsuccessfully) to save the boyfriend who really wasn't worth saving in the first place her and her friend Heather make it to the car to leave.  Much like in the famous scene in John Carpenters Vampires this is the convenient time for her to vamp out and for this painful movie to end. 

Kristen Gibson (The 911 Operator)
Literally the best thing in the movie (that isn't a complement either). When Lisa and Heather decide to call 911 on their blood thirsty uncle this cleavagy 911 operator in what looks to be a sexy nurse costume is who answers.  Once the women explain whats going on they are reprimanded by the woman for misuse of 911 but then she sprouts fangs and changes her mind when a random vampire shows up behind her.  Storyline wise this scene wasn't needed at all (like much of the weird things that happen in this movie) but visually 70 minutes of just the cleavage would have have been more interesting. 

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