Friday, February 8, 2013

The Legend that is Count Yorga

Count Yorga for those who might not know is the lead character of a pair of aptly titled vampire films made in the early 1970's starring Robert Quarry.  While he had many similarities to Dracula his intentions were far less romantic than the original vampire count.

Yorga is best described as what playboy founder Hugh Hefner would probably be like if he was a vampire.  Very laid back, snappy dresser who's only goal in life seemingly is collecting hot women to hang around his mansion.  Rumor has it this franchise was originally meant to be more sexually based ala your average Jes Franco film but eventually was edited down to be PG.  Even without the nudity it's still about a guy who gets his jollys off creating female vampire zombies to do his bidding.

In the first film which was 1970's "Count Yorga, Vampire" the count pretty much comes off as a complete womanizer. He enters the lives of the main characters of the film as the boyfriend of the deceased mother of one of the females of the group, Donna (Donna Anders). We eventually find out that her mother is very much alive (Marsha Jordan) (er undead) along with another female (Deborah Darnell) in his mansion and he uses them for his enjoyment (there was no internet porn back then so how else are you going watch lesbian sex?).

 But what kind of place would the playboy mansion be if Hef just stopped at Kimberly Conrad and said that's all I need.  No, no, Donna's not bad looking and she has a hot friend named Erica (Judy Lang) so why not invite them to the party as well. No beating around the bush in this film.  (SPOILER) he gets what he wants, he just doesn't get to stay alive long enough to enjoy it.

In 1971 through the magic of the tinker belle effect (that's what I call that thing that happens in horror movies where if you close your eyes, think real hard and pay a lot of money at the box office. Any character can come back to life) we get "The Return of Count Yorga".

While we don't actually get an explanation of how he's still alive we do find that he has been EXTREMELY busy since we last saw him.  That in the form of the shear number of vampire chicks he's turned in that time period which we see in the beginning of the film.


And he's only getting started.  Yorga officially becomes my hero in this film as this film tells us that he is one of us.  Not only does he explain to anyone who'll listen that vampires do exist while hitting on any hot woman he finds we also get a scene in the film where he is watching (and highly enjoying) an Ingrid Pitt bite scene from "The Vampire Lovers".

Long story short, by the end of this film what seems like half the female population are vampire zombies chasing people around the Yorga mansion.

 For that, Count Yorga is a true legend.  How many movies have we had to sit through in which the centuries old, immortal vampire drones on and on about his lost love and ends up stalking some lady who looks exactly like her despite already having a harem of vamps at home.  This guy lives his life with the mindset that "Women with fangs are hot and fun to watch and if I turn them they do what I say".  How can you not like a vampire with real logic?

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