Thursday, February 14, 2013

Vampiress Review: "Cold Hearts"

The Gist: A group of young vampires terrorize both humans and other vampires who frequent a boardwalk on the jersey shore and a mysterious new guy in town steps up to the task of standing up to them.

Clarification: This movie comes off as an attempt at remaking the feel of The Lost Boys.  On the other hand it's as much a young adult drama as it is a horror film being that you have a side story involving an anorexic female vampire and one with serious trust issues along with their best friend who happens to be a homosexual who is shunned by the other vampire boys. That's right, a vampire film that's meant to educate about the problems of young people in the 90's.

Selling Point: The original pink ranger is a vampire.

Female Vampire Factor:  There are two and quite frankly even though they are main characters really don't make much of a difference in the plot.  Don't expect either to do anything too vampiric though since they have regular people emotional baggage that they spend the whole movie dealing with.

Marisa Ryan (Viktoria)
Viktoria is the leader/mother figure of a group of outcast misfit vampires who spend much of their time hanging around an amusement park on the Jersey Shore.  She has a romantic past with the main antagonist vampire Chaz who is very much hung up on her.  This spells bad news for any guy who decides to take his chances with her though we eventually find out that her new beau Seth has a secret of his own and can handle himself.  Her vampirism is very much under control as she gets most of her blood through a deal she has with an ambulance driver.  Occasionally in the movie she'll go out hunting for the sake of helping her friend Alicia feed who hates the taste of cold blood but you only see her fang out once and that is at the very end of the film

 Amy Jo Johnson (Alicia)
While having the original pink power ranger as a vampire is a major selling point to this picture the character Alicia is a MAJOR buzz kill.  With vampires you think, immortal, all powerful, can do anything they want with the only problem being their lust for blood.  Her character is the exact opposite.  She's a self hating vampire that can't stand the taste of cold blood but doesn't like killing which results in her suffering from depression and anorexia....WTF?  (SPOILER) The scene in which she finally offs herself via sitting in the sun also marks the end of the slow moralistic portion of the film and marks the point where it starts to get fun.  Its sad when the only way a vampire can act like one is if she's hypnotized by another vampire to do it.

 While the movie has it's moments it's the evil vampires that make the whole thing watchable.  That means that whenever one of the two female vamps above are on screen the film almost slows to a crawl.  For that I have to give the film a Vampire Beauty Rating of 2 out of 5.  The women in this film are less about sex appeal or even vampirism and more about living the depressing 90's grunge lifestyle.


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