Thursday, February 21, 2013

Vampiress Review: "Bram Stoker's Way of the Vampire"

The Gist:  After hundreds of years hiding, vampires have decided that it is time to begin feeding on humans again and it is up to Dr. Abraham Van Helsing to stop them.

Clarification: Basically a long time ago, Van Helsing killed Dracula after Dracula turned his wife. The rest of the vampires freaked and went into hiding.  After centuries they're very week from only feeding off of animals and scraps and the last descendant of Dracula, a vampire named Sebastion after some convincing from the much more devious and worthy of leadership Arianna decides that humans are fair game and that they weren't afraid of Van Helsing anymore (though he too is immortal and works as a medical physician "coincidentally" in the city Sebastian is held up at). 

Selling Point: Vampiress Arianna!

Female Vampire Factor: A great deal of the female vampire action comes in the way of 3 random vampire females who are seen throughout the different feeding and fighting montages in the film.
 They are in no particular order.

Short haired vamp in short skirt (credited "Josie" played by Kristina Proulx)

Long haired goth vamp

and blonde vamp that if you blink you don't even actually know exists in the movie.

In all honesty only two vampires in the entire movie can be considered main characters otherwise.  Thankfully one of them is a hot female.

Denise Boutte (Arianna)
She is all over this film to the point that she is truly the star of the whole thing.  Arianna is a true vampire in every sense of the word in that she has never been much for backing down to humans.  Much of this probably has to do with the fact that she fought alongside Dracula when he was killed.  Also she is the acting leader of the vampires keeping the brood together while Sebastion was busy sulking and wasting away and even trying to keep him in line when instead of making smart decisions as a leader he, as she so eloquently put it "was thinking with his dick". To those 1980's kids out there, basically that means she was "Starscream" to Sebastions "Megatron".    (Spoiler alert) With all these traits its no surprise when it comes out in the movies end that she, not Sebastion was the last great vampire in the Dracula blood line which made it all the sweeter when she lived to fight another day.  Oh yeah...and did I mention she was kind of a lesbian?

 So the verdict....the acting was bad in this film, made even worse by WAY too much dialogue.  None the less it's one of the few vamp films in which one of the lead vamps was a hot female who was not a pushover and not only wasn't she stake fodder but didn't die at all by the time the film ends. So sexy dominant black vampire girl in slutty outfit combined with minor vamps who get enough screen time for them to be memorable (accept for the blond as I mentioned) means this film gets a Vampire Beauty Rating of 4 out of 5

Full Film

No comments:

Post a Comment