Wednesday, February 20, 2013

Vampiress Review: "Vamp"

The Gist:  Two college buddies and a guy they're using for his transportation are on the hunt for a stripper to perform at their college frat party.  Instead they end up at a strip club in a bad neighborhood run by vampires.

Clarification:  This is one of those "logic be damned" type of films where you kind of wonder who would think that anything these guys do in this film would be considered a good idea.  Honestly this strip club and the neighborhood it is located in looks like it's straight out of Escape from New York/L.A or the bad part of Detroit from the Robocop films. Also, I know the 1980's was a long time ago but I distinctly remember phone books existing prior to the internet as the reference manual for things like live adult entertainment where you just call a number and they come to you without going to the killer neighborhood.  To make matters worse the sole survivor of the group "Keith" in between surviving all these things is stuck having to put up with a chatty, annoying strip club waitress named Amaretto (Dedee Pfeifer) who's too busy trying to get him to remember that they knew each other in grade school to realize that he's per-occupied with trying not to be murdered and/or eaten.

Female Vampire factor:  So you would think that it would be pretty good being that the center of the whole thing is a strip club and there are some vampire strippers but to put it nicely, they'd be best described as "exotic"

 Even if they were super hot (which granted some of them are as seen in the bottom left) they're only on screen for literally split seconds at a time so it wouldn't matter.  Only one is queen of the vampires.

Grace Jones (Katrina)
Grace Jones to me has always had that thing where she was almost really hot but because she was just so weird and butchy you can't get past it (but to his credit it didn't stop James Bond from seducing her in "A View to a Kill").  In this film she's MUCH weirder looking than usual which makes the decision for these guys to stick around the strip club that much stranger.   Her Vamping out is not pretty at all.

For a guy the scare factor in this film is pretty high with the idea of having to chose between getting eaten by really ugly vampires or having to spend time with a girl who talks too much about nothing.  For that, this film gets a Vampire Beauty Rating of 1 out of 5.  If you're in it for scares, go for it, if you're in it for hot vampire strippers, I'd suggest Fred Olen Rays "Twilight Vamps" which I reviewed HERE.

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