Friday, June 8, 2012

Vampiress Review:"Vampire Killers"

The Gist: Two guys down on their luck become the unlikely hero's of a town cursed by lesbian vampires.

Clarification:  You've got one guy "Jimmy" who is basically being used by his girlfriend (she dumps him for different guys and goes back to him when the new guy dumps her) and his best friend "Fletch" who is just really lazy and looses his job.  They go to the local pub to sulk and decide together that they will take a road trip to forget their problems and decide on the location based on where a dart lands on a map.  They end up going to a place called "Cragwich" and one of the first things they encounter their is a group of sexy girls (below) who are headed there to study the folklore of the town.
What they don't know is that the folklore includes every female in the town turning into a lesbian vampire on their 18th birthday.

Selling Point: Read the last line of the "clarification" again.

Female Vampire Factor: This Film gets a vampire beauty rating of 4 out of 5.  The ONLY reason it doesn't get a five is because all the female vampire stuff is lumped into the final half hour of the movie and is done in an odd blue tint.  Otherwise this is one of those movies that doesn't really get old quickly (tons of re watchability).  I didn't have high expectations for it since it's very campy and produced very similarly to a high budget "B" movie but it definitely proved me wrong.  Pretty much every female in the film eventually gets turned into a vampire but one so you can imagine with all of that happening in 30 minutes how little screen time some of the hottest ones get.

Vampiress Cast

Silvia Colloca (Carmillla)
The Vampire Queen who originally put the curse on the town prior to her eventual demise.  The goal of the current crop of lesbian vamps is to resurrect her in order to lead lesbian vampires to dominance once again. Being a lesbian vampire named Carmilla always conjures up images of the Karnstein Trilogy which is always a good thing (also rumor has it this film was actually once pitched to be produced by the new "Hammer" studios).  Casting Colloca is also a plus with her having played bride of Dracula "Verona" in the 2004 film "Van Helsing".

Vera Filatova (Eva)
The acting Vamp in charge, Eva is the vamp doing all the dirty work in order to bring Carmilla back to life.  She's also one of the hottest and has a thing for innocent virgin babe "Lotte" and is very aggressive about it. That would make her character the most lesbian of the lesbian vampires

Lucy Gaskell (Judy)
 Judy is the "evil" on again, off again girlfriend of Jimmy.  Once the guy she left Jimmy for (this time) ends up having to kick her to the curb (being that he's married and all) she travels to Cragwich to go get him back (because he was "smart" enough to tell her where he was prior to Seth who hates her throwing away his phone).  On her way she has a run in with the lesbian vampires lead by Eva. She eventually finds the cottage where Jimmy, Seth and Lotte are hiding out and as expected Jimmy invites her in.  After they go to one of the bedrooms to "talk out their problems" she sweet talks him about taking her back just to fang out and attempt to bite him.  All she ends up getting is the wrong side of an ax and a stake through the heart which saddens Jimmy but thrills Seth and Lotte (who has a thing for Jimmy).