Thursday, November 12, 2015

Vampiress Review: "Tainted"

The Gist: After their car breaks down on their way to the movies three guys end up knee deep in a vampire murder story.

Clarification:  This is one of those hard to watch films due to the main characters just being super unlikable.  Basically everyone in the film has some major personality quirk which makes you want to punch them.  Because of this, the idea of caring about what happens to any of them is non existent.  It's basically the story of a womanizer, a movie nerd, and the live action version of a facebook troll who interrupts everyone to correct their English and their ability to not react to any negative or positive situation with appropriate emotions.

As it goes they go to the nerds ex girlfriends house to get anti-freeze for their car, a group of thugs try to mug them along the way which is when the two other guys find out their nerd buddy is a vampire.  They finally make their way to the ex girlfriends house after a rather dumb conversation where the "troll" dismisses the vampires claim of being a vampire despite WITNESSING the entire mugging incident.  When they get their we find out they broke up over her drinking and there's lots of bi-polar arguing in which we find out she has a new abusive vampire boyfriend.  This guy ends up being the movies antagonist as we eventually find he murders vampires and drains them of their blood.  From their it becomes a revenge story as the vampire movie nerd seeks out the abusive ex after he kills the girl.

BTW the title refers to the sub plot that deals with the vampire antagonist who works at a blood bank having a plan to replace the human blood at the bank with vampire blood.  A sub plot that maybe gets 6 minutes of air time in the one hour and forty five minute run time of the movie.  

Female Vampire Factor:  Barely worth mentioning.  The only one in the film that has any real screen time is the boyish ex girlfriend.
Other than this you get a couple that get screen time when the crew go into a vampire inhabited bar.

IMDB lists this movie as both an action/comedy and a comedy/thriller.  It is none of those.  This means that the annoying personality quirks of the main characters are supposed to be funny and not what it actually comes off as which is just plain annoying.  It just makes it worse that it's also one of those movies where the film maker has to have characters arguing about something in every scene. The film gets a Vampire Beauty Rating of 1 out of 5.

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