Friday, November 27, 2015

Vampiress Review: The "Saturday the 14th" series

Saturday The 14th (1981)

The Gist: A family moves into a home that houses a book of evil which traps them inside with monsters.

Clarification:  This is best described as a movie parody that doesn't center on any one specific film.  The plot takes from several films such as Poltergeist and the Amityville Horror.  The thing that includes it here is the fact that what is believed to be the antagonists of the film are a vampire couple who are after the book.  Key word being "believed".

Selling Point/Female Vampire Factor:  As mentioned there is a vampire couple in the film that it manipulates you into believing are the films antagonists (obviously if I'm using that wording it turns out they are not).  The wife of the couple whose name is "Yolanda" is played by Nancy Lee Andrews.
As you can see there are no fangs in this film which makes it cheesier than it already is.  It also makes it very confusing when the mom/wife of the family who moves into the house "Mary" (Paula Prentiss) begins acting like a vampire since it's hard to really distinguish whether she actually is becoming one or whether she just believes she is.
 I give the film a Vampire Beauty Rating of 1 out of 5.  If you want to go this route Transylvania Twist would be a much better recommendation.

Saturday the 14th Strikes Back (1988)

The Gist:  A young man finds out that on his birthday; Saturday the 14th, monsters will come from a crack in their basement to take over the world and he is in line to become their leader.

Clarification: The same general premise of the first but slightly less cheesy (though still super cheesy).   Just as in the first film weird things are happening constantly but the family who is living through it is completely unaware despite the fact that after a certain point the monsters aren't even hiding.  Even before the stuff with the monsters the family really isn't that normal to begin with since you have a mother who can't cook and feeds her family candy and pudding.

Selling Point:  There are actually attractive vampires in this one.

Female Vampire Factor: The films protagonist Eddie is slowly introduced to the world of the monsters and his guide is a female vampire named Charlene (Pamela Stonebrook)
Charlene is initially introduced in a song and dance routine where she sings about not wanting to be a vampire. This is when you're introduced to her backup dancers as well who are seen in the background throughout the rest of the film.
They do have fangs this time around but they're not used at all and are only shown sporadically. 
The "Vampirettes" as they are referred to in this film were played by Dorrisa Currey, Kathryn O'reilly and Victoria Morsell.

As for the film itself it was annoying to me even when I was younger.  Listening to Eddie whine for 90 minutes is just awful and as a teenager I couldn't understand why he was complaining considering the thing he was complaining about was attractive vampires appearing in his room not to mention an evil princess that wanted him.  This one is pretty hard to watch but thanks to the eye candy it gets a Vampire Beauty Rating of 2 out of 5 .

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