Wednesday, July 30, 2014

Vampiress Review: Vampitheatre

The Gist: There's a band and they play music and people get killed...that's about it.

Clarification:  Another Indy flick that falls into the "great concept, terrible execution" category but then again most vampire movies about bands do (though the TV show Port Charles did a B+ job of it as did Queen of the Damned).  Problem with this one is that they try to build a horror movie out of a mock documentary of a real band so it's actually 86 minutes of trying to sell their music to the viewing audience complete with music video's and fake MTV style reporting on them.  Sprinkled in between all that is a story about people being murdered by vampires and the FBI interviewing people so basically it's the same format as an episode of Beavis and Butthead just without them mocking the music.

As for the music itself it's not gothic moaning and isn't terrible at all (for the most part) and the music video's are very well put together so it doesn't stop the movie dead like the main problem with Gothic Vampires from Hell which has long periods of nothingness while they sell you the music.  If you weren't really paying attention you would probably think the film was about a "Berlin" cover ban.  I will warn you if you expect any type of real ending..don't.  What I put in the Gist is the entire movie from beginninng to end.

Selling Point:  Their music producer looks like the special Olympics drug dealer from South Park.  If you put that on the cover I'd be more inclined to buy it...just saying.

Female Vampire Factor:  OK here's the thing.  Every member of the band Theatre Peace which this film is about is supposed to be a vampire but since they're too busy doing band stuff they never actually do anything vampiric which is sad because two of them are MILF hot.
Janice Olive as "Jezebel" (Bass)
Dana Cheshire as "Ariana" (lead vocals)
  You do get a creepy lesbo scene where the vampire queen (Linnea Quigley) bites and turns an aspiring singer.
Obviously that's not going to sell you the movies since she pretty much looks like she's decomposing.  Luckily there is one SUPER hot vamp in the movie.  Her name is Nichole (actually she doesn't have a name in the film but her real name is Nichole Dye so in the credits she's "Nichole Die" brilliant right?).
Anyway Nichole is one of the bands groupies.  In one scene in the film while the group is doing a concert she's backstage half naked feeding on a guy and gets caught.

 Then for whatever reason instead of pretending they don't know her one of the band members pretty much takes full responsibility for this sexy person we've never seen before and strong arms the witness into not ratting them out by first ratting out everyone he knows as being a vampire then saying they'll kill him if he tellls.

Outside of that scene I would only recommend watching it if you want to watch music video's of a middle aged rock band.  I give this film a Vampire Beauty Rating of 3 out of 5.

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