Saturday, July 26, 2014

Vampiress Review: "Requim for a Vampire (2006)"

The Gist:  A brood of vampires have to figure out how to have a funeral when one of their members dies of a blood disease.

Clarification:  Not to be confused with the 1971 Jean Rollins movie of the same name this one is pretty much what I would imagine a bad dream after eating Mexican food after 1 AM would be.  Not only does it have low budget movie A.D.D. but it switches genres so many times that it might as well be a skit on "Who's Line is it Anyway".  It literally goes from Comedy to Drama to Horror to a musical (yes it breaks out into a "Sad" song and dance a half hour in), to Straight porn then to gay porn etc.  Somewhere in there it's also a couples vacation movie.  Either way the Gist I gave you is the closest thing to a plot you will find.  Especially since the one they provide for you is more of a generality than the actual premise of the film.  Honestly if you watch the film it comes off as a bunch of random scenes between 1 and 10 minutes long that can be loosely tied together.  I found myself many times watching just an odd 1 minute clip of something happening in the film and thinking "what the hell was that?"

Selling Point:  I can only imagine what this movie would be like if drunk or high.

Female Vampire Factor:  Pretty much all the women in it are vamps but outside of one scene (where there are no fangs) it's not a very vampiric movie.   The only fanging out you get is Lenora (Deana Demko)
who fangs out every time she lays her giant breasts on someones head (I wish I could explain that better but the movie doesn't explain it at all and it happens twice.

and Tara Wolf (Jamie Stone)
 Tara is a paranormal expert who gets turned in exchange for helping Vampire Micheal (Lenora's brother and the boyfriend of the deceased) get information on vampire funerals.  At least I guess that's what happens as her character becomes a member of Micheals band and is kind of a bodygaurd once she's turned and you never see or hear of her research ever again aside from her mentioning how fast she can read books.

This film gets a Vampire Beauty Rating of 2 out of 5.  To be honest I enjoyed it quite a bit but not for any good reasons.  If you get as much enjoyment out of train wrecks like Tommy Wiseau's the Room like I do, this is a few notches below that on the absurdity scale.   

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