Thursday, October 15, 2015

Vampiress Review: "Modern Vampires"

The Gist: After a girl he accidentally turns leaves a bloody trail of victims while posing as a prostitute a vampire must take her under his wing and prevent the vampire Count and Dr. Van Helsing from destroying her.

Clarification:  This film has had several name changes over the past 10+ years including "Hollywood Vamps" and "Revenent".  The stars of the film Casper Van Dien and Natasha Gregson Wagner  have appeared in SEVERAL vampire films to the point that they're kind of known for it (Natasha specifically having also appeared in Vampires: Los Muertos and the Buffy the Vampire Slayer film).  The film itself is a comedy which doesn't take itself seriously at all.  Dr. Van Helsing for example takes out an ad in the newspaper for assistants and ends up hiring members of the L.A. street gang "the crips" who are pretty effective till the first time they're met with a female vamp in which they end up getting turned via sexual transmission.

Selling Point: Entertaining film with lots of fang flashing and awkward but still enjoyable vampire lesbianism.

Female Vampire Factor: The main vamp of the film is Nico (Natasha Gregson Wagner), a young girl turned into a vampire and feeding herself by posing as a prostitute and going after any guy that gives her the time of day.
She is eventually taken in by the vampire that turned her Dallas (Van Dien) and his group of friends.  This includes vampire socialite Ulrika (Kim Cattrall)
and vampire couple Panthia (Natalya Andreychenko) along with her husband Richard (Craig Ferguson)
Other vampires who get some screen time in the film include the Counts girlfriend played by Ellia Thompson
And Nico's eventual girlfriend played by Natasha Lyonne
Toward the beginning of the film the vampires fangs are shown to be able to retract but once all the characters are established the fangs seem to always be out even in the company of humans.   When Nico fangs out (which is pretty often especially in the uncensored DVD version) she makes and exotic cat (cheetah or leopard) noise similar to "Marie" from Innocent Blood.

The film does highlight quite often the fact that the females in the film are bi-sexual.  The strangest being the relationship between Nico and Panthia.  Panthia was turned while she was pregnant so apparently she just stays pregnant for all eternity.  When she's first introduced to Nico she treats her like a daughter but a few scenes later they're having a makeout session even though Nico refers to her as "Aunt Panthia".

I personally have very few complaints about the film and highly recommend it.   I give it a Vampire Beauty Rating of 5 out of 5.

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