Sunday, May 15, 2016

Vampiress Review: I married a Vampire

The Gist: A small town girl moves to the big city and struggles until she meets and falls for a vampire.

Clarification: It's a Troma film and a low end one at that which means it looks and feels like 80's porn but without the sex.  The bulk of the film is just the girl Viola going through her growing pains of moving to the big city and being used by different people.  The vampire stuff is literally just the end of the film.

Basically the film starts with her picking her parents up from the airport.  They found out she got married and wanted to meet her new husband but she pitches a hissy fit about it.  They park after arguing and she eventually changes her mind and gives them her entire story from arriving to the city up to that point (so the film is a flashback).  During this she gets manipulated into getting a crappy apartment, makes friends with her neighbor who steals from her and gets her into trouble, joins a religious cult that takes her for her money and gets a job from a guy who rapes her.  Eventually she meets a vampire who she falls for and he helps her get revenge against everyone who wronged her. 

Selling Point: nope

Female Vampire Factor:  I think Viola (Rachel Golden) becomes one.  Toward the end it does show her approaching her old boss in a first person view as if she bites him but they don't show the bite.  No fangs either.
I always groan when I pop in a new movie to review and that Troma opening starts because I know that means whatever comes after it is going to be painful to watch. This one was especially bad and no real payoff.  I give it a Vampire Beauty Rating of 1 out of 5.

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