Vampiress Review: "You Only Die Once"

The Gist: A woman and her friends are out to kill her ex who happens to be a vampire.

Clarification: This is a very entertaining short horror/comedy.   It's very cheesy with the general idea being to make fun of older millennials as everyone in the film spouts out pop culture and social media references non stop even though they are supposed to be either very angry or in danger. 

Selling Point:  It's genuinely funny. 

Female Vampire Factor:  In spite of the fact that the main vampire pretty much wants to make everyone his vampire bride he fails miserably at it and falls for some very lame tricks.  Fortunately he does already have two very catty vampire brides.

The one on the right comes off as very ditsy and gets picked on by the one on the left who also is the only one in the film who feeds.

I absolutely enjoyed this and give it a Vampire Beauty Rating of 4 out of 5.  Very enjoyable.

You Only Die Once - Vampire Horror Comedy Short (2016) from Amanda B. Goodman on Vimeo.

Vampiress Review: "Jesus Christ Vampire Hunter"

The Gist: Jesus is resurrected to save lesbians from vampires.

Clarification: If Troma puts it's seal of approval on it, you know it's going to be good.  Hold on,  this wasn't a Troma film?  Like someone purposely decided to make a film that could be mistaken as a Troma vampire film even though Troma vampire films are awful?  Well whatever works. 

The biggest mind blowing fact about this film is that it states on wikipedia that the budget here was $100,000.  Obviously none of it went toward the actual production value of the film so I'm guessing this is just actor salary and location permits maybe?  Anyway vampires are attacking and turning lesbians, Jesus Christ is sent to save them with his vampire hunting and martial arts skills, he gets help from various religious themed side characters and an overweight interpretation of Lucha Libre action hero El Santo.

Oh and did I mention that this film has musical numbers in it too?

Selling Point: At least Maria Moulton is decent eye candy as Jesus's fighting partner Mary Magnom

Female Vampire Factor:  Well considering the lesbian vampire theme there are quite a few of them.  Only one gets any real screen time.

Otherwise the rest are just eventual stake fodder for the fight scenes.

Basically this is if the movie John Carpenters Vampires was a rock opera like Jesus Christ Superstar.  I give it a Vampire Beauty Rating of 2 out of 5.  Not something I can recommend as a must see but it does apparently have a cult following so some people are into it.

Vampiress Review: "Blood Taste"

Blood taste is a short film about a woman who stalks a man at a park who has a nose bleed.  Next thing we see is he is tied up at her home and it is revealed that the woman is a vampire.

Even though she has a glass of blood right in front of him she obviously prefers it right out of the vain because she gets up and goes right for his neck.

BLOOD TASTE | Short Film from Jad Roux on Vimeo.