Vampiress Review: "I Like Bats"

 

The Gist: A female vampire struggling with what she is makes matters worse by falling in love with the psychologist that she goes to for help who believes she's insane and not really a vampire. 

Clarification: Isabella is a single woman who gets nagged by her family over the fact that she continues to be single.  On top of that she has a nasty habit of going out at night and killing people as she's also a vampire. 

She sees a commercial for a psychologist at a mental hospital, so she goes there and gets committed once she tries to explain to him that she's a vampire.  

From there you get an odd dynamic between the two as she is admitting what she is and everything she actual does to him, but he brushes it off as paranoid psychotic delusions she's having. That is until members of the hospital staff go missing and an inmate catches her in the act.  

Female Vampire Factor:  Despite you finding out eventually that her whole family are vampires, Isabella is who the film revolves around and is the only one shown doing anything vampiric.  When it comes to her fangs you only actually see them once in the film and that's during a very odd scene where she starts hysterically laughing after a guy tries to scare her with a vampire mask. I guess she laughs so hard she loses control of them and they come out resulting in the guy dying of a heart attack upon seeing them. 

(SPOILER ALERT)

Also in the films end it's revealed that her and the psychologist end up getting married and having a daughter who is born a vampire. 

 

Final Opinion: The concept is good; the execution is somewhat lacking.  By that I'd say that this film would be a great candidate for a remake.  As is it really doesn't know whether it wants to be a comedy or a horror and doesn't do either all too well and sadly the vampiric scenes are probably the most disappointing part of it when it should be the selling point as like I said the one weird scene is the only time you see Isabella's fangs.  With that I give it a Vampire Beauty Rating of 2 out of 5.  It's pretty hard to come by a decent telling of the "Female Vampire who falls in love with a human and wants to be normal" story but the film Lady Dracula is still the standard and this is far from that.  

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Vampiress Review: Dangerous Seductress

 

The Gist: After getting possessed with the spirit of the Queen of Darkness a victim of abuse becomes a predator who goes out at night looking for men to murder. 

Clarification: Suzie is a hot woman who has an abusive boyfriend who goes to live with her hot model sister when she gets tired of him getting drunk and beating her.  Once she gets there she finds an old weird book which she then reads causing a demon woman to offer her powers in exchange for murdering men.   From there it's up to her sister to try to release her from the spell of the Queen of Darkness which is easier said than done since Suzie likes her newfound powers which prevents her from being a victim. 

 

Female Vampire Factor: You have two.  First is the Queen of Darkness who is mainly just seen in the films beginning as she's being resurrected. 

Then you have Suzie once the Queen takes over her body. 

Final Opinion: This is a B-movie from Indonesia where the only real vampiric thing about the vampires in the film is that they do have fangs.  Otherwise, the main vampire Suzie's method of killing is stabbing people with sharp objects. Also, she doesn't actually drink the blood of her victims as it is then sucked in by the spirit of the Queen of Darkness via a mirror that she is trapped in. 

The film itself gives some "Weird Science" vibes in that the bulk of it is really about showing off how hot Suzie is.  A ton of screen time goes to just checking out her sexy outfits she would seduce men with, pretty much just making her Lisa from Weird Science if she was less helpful and super homicidal. 

I give the film a Vampire Beauty Rating of 2 out of 5.  You definitely aren't watching this film for the plot with much of it coming off more unintentionally comedic that horrific.  In fact, it feels more like it would have been better as one of those mature FMV video games that came out in that era than a standalone movie since it's that kind of production.  

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Vampiress After Dark Review: "The Dark Gift"

 

The Gist: While a girl is pledging for a sorority, she rents a video tape that turns her into a vampire by watching it. 

Clarification:  That's the best you're going to get as an explanation for this film because it really has no coherent story.  Things just happen in random orders and honestly this could be split into two different films.  The first being the kind of coherent story of the sorority girl turning into a vampire after watching a cursed video tape. 

and a secondary less coherent and overall pointless one of a mad scientist kidnapping sorority girls and attempting to force them to have vampire babies.  

Final Opinion: The concept of the story sounds great in principle, but the execution is horrible.   It would honestly be better off as just a compilation of standalone vampire scenes as there is quite a bit of those that aren't horrible if it weren't for the fact that everything setting it up is bad and barely comprehendible.  On top of that the vampires in the cursed video tape get a ton of time and it's not like some mysterious video like The Ring.  It's literally just softcore vampire posing. 

So despite all the great vampire media you get from it I can't really give it more than a Vampire Beauty Rating of 1 out of 5.  If this were to be re-made but with them completely ditching the vampire doctor trying to breed babies thing it might work.  Then again just watch the film Vampires of Sorority Row which at this point for me is the standard for low budget, badly written but watchable due to hot female vampires B-movies.   

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Vampiress Review: Electra (1996)

The Gist:  A woman who secretly has a sexual obsession with her stepson is manipulated by a super villain to use those feelings to get a secret formula from him that would give him superpowers. 

 

Clarification:  This film starring Shannon Tweed is about a woman who falls in love with her late husband's son who just happens to be inheriting all his father's research (basically he created a formula that gives people superpowers).  The film is fun to watch in a old school Cinemax guilty pleasure sort of away as the plot and everything about the film is wall to wall fan service. Especially since the supervillain's main henchman amount to two really hot woman who wear revealing costumes throughout. 

Female Vampire Factor: As mentioned, the main plot revolves around a woman who has a thing for her stepson which is adult film stereotype 101.  

Problem for her though outside of the son having the logic of a 10-year-old who is very confused about the idea that his stepmom might be hot is that he has an equally hot girlfriend.  It becomes clear that the mom becomes jealous of her and by the films end both end up taking the serum to get superpowers and fighting it out. It is here when the mother gets superpowers, is renamed Electra and gets her own sexy outfit. 

Oh, and did I forget to mention she got the superpowers by molesting her stepson as apparently, they can be spread sexually?

Well, when Stepmom and her stepson's girlfriend fight it out there is a point where they stop as stepmom somehow transforms into the girlfriends missing mother. When the girlfriend then let's her guard down Mom turns back, sprouts fang and stabs her with her nails before licking the blood off her fingers. 

Final Opinion: So is this really a vampire film?  Not really but does include a fanged woman who drinks blood which makes it good enough.  Otherwise the target audience here is people into low budget superhero style films with a small bit of Cinemax style nudity thrown in.  I give it a Vampire Beauty Rating of 3 out of 5.  Because it's unintentionally funny it's actually a pretty easy and sometimes enjoyable watch if you're into cheesy films. 

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Vampiress TV Review: Night Gallery

"Death on a Barge" 

Season 3

Episode 12

Night Gallery is a short story anthology series produced by Rod Serling of The Twilight Zone fame.   Best described as a horror/supernatural version of the twilight zone it aired for three seasons from 1970 to 1973.  

Out of the three seasons of the show only the first didn't have at least one episode that dealt with the subject of vampires but only this season three episode dealt specifically with female vampires.  If I were to have any complaint about this episode it's the fact that this story is well below the standard of anything that would have aired on the twilight zone.  The saving grace is the visuals for the female vampire are wonderful. 


The female vampire in this particular episode is played by Leslie Anne Warren who is the character Hyasen.   Hyasen lives on a barge in a riverbank just outside a city and a guy named Ron notices her and develops a hardcore crush on her which makes sense considering every time we see him watching her she's basically seductively posing. 

Problem is Ron has a girlfriend.  Well not exactly a problem for him as he ignores her and treats her like dirt so telling her he doesn't want her around because he wants hot boat girl that he has had no contact without outside of talking to her on her boat from shore is nothing for him.  Ron's girlfriend Phillis instead of looking for someone who would treat her better she instead researches Hyason in hopes of finding dirt on her which she does learning that she is behind multiple disappearances in the area. Not only that but she sneaks on the barge where she learns that Hyason is indeed a vampire.  Hyason catches her spying and attacks her but Phylis escapes. 

Phylis gives Ron the info which he ignores and goes to meet Hyason who thanks to the water succeeding can get off the boat.  Ron tells Hyason he knows she's a vampire and is not exactly on board with the whole having his blood sucked game but she tries anway and he takes off and instead ends up killing his friend who followed him. 

The episode ends with Ron heading back to the barge with the intent to kill Hyason which she intends on letting him do as long as he tells her he loves her while he does it but when he see's her laying there he gets all gaga for her and can't do it.

He then decides to have makeout session with her instead but before she can bite him her father shows up, takes the stake that Ron brought and stakes his own daughter ending her. 

  

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Vampiress After Dark Review: Lesbian Vampire Hospital remake (RCTD-688)

The Gist:  After a hospitalized woman gets a blood transfusions with vampire blood, she wreaks havoc in the hospital sucking blood and spreading vampirism.

Clarification:  This is an almost shot for shot remake of the 2015 film of the same name.  The only real difference being a lot of the filler portions of the film explaining the plot are gone and there are zero men in the movie, so no vampire nurse gets revenge on sexual harassing doctor scene and no more female vampire hunter biting her male partner after him not realizing she had been turned scene.   The latter being a real loss to the film.

Female Vampire Factor: The Film stars Hikaru Miyanishi, Nozomi Arimura, Sakura Tsuji, and Suzu Monami. 

When I say it's a shot for shot remake I mean I'm just going to cut and paste from the original description with a screen shot from the original on the left and its remake counterpart on the right,  it's that close.   

Scene 1: After discovering she is now a vampire, the patient masturbates in bed. 

Scene 2: Vampire patient attacks and turns a nurse. 

Scene 3: The vampire patient learns it was the doctor who turned her. 

Scene 4: The hospital vampires attack a nun who is there to hunt them.

Scene 5:  Having fed on everyone in the hospital the vampires celebrate. 

Final Opinion: As you can see, the parts they decided to remake they did pretty well and decently accurate.  The issue is the parts they left out were things that without some of those scenes it makes the film seem lacking.  If you've never seen the first film, then you won't notice.  If you have then you'll want those scenes back, but it won't ruin the entertainment factor.  Since it is not as good as the first in my opinion but still not bad, I'll give it a Vampire Beauty Rating of 4 out of 5.  My advice.  Watch both instead of one or the other with this as a companion piece to the original and not a replacement. 

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