Sunday, October 21, 2018

Vampiress Review: "Dead Cert"

The Gist: British mobsters get more than what they bargained for when they find out that the rival mobsters who just came to town from Eastern Europe are vampires.

Clarification:  Also known as "London Underworld" If you ever seen From Dusk Till Dawn it's basically that but if it started out as a British mobster movie instead of a Southern outlaw action film. You have some British mobster types with the main one Freddie owning a strip club.  Then you have some creepy foreign people who take over the strip club through a questionable bet.   When the mobster types go to take the strip club back and things get bloody the girls and the management all of a sudden start sprouting fangs so the mobsters types and the one stripper that didn't get turned now have to find a way to escape. You From Dusk Till Dawn.

Female Vampire Factor: Well,  a lot since it is a film that primarily takes place in a strip club full of vampires.  The Romanian contingent has a girl in their group named Tatiana.
She acts as somewhat of a translator until the vampire portion of the film comes about.  Then she's a bit of an enforcer sent to pay a visit to the family of Freddie.
  Then you had a vampire hunters backstory where he talked about how the vampires killed all his family except for his daughter who they turned and who he had to kill himself.
Then comes the strippers who all except one get turned.  Two of them get actual screen time.  First is  the head stripper who after she turns confronts her ex boss and instead of biting him stops to brag how she got turned that lead to her being staked.
Next you have Katie who's another stripper who gets a ton of screen time only after she turns. She's even on the cover of the DVD even though you only really get introduced to her in the last 10 minutes of the film.
 Freddie (the main protagonists) wife does get bitten in the film but does not turn.  Freddie does have a nightmare about it and there are production stills of her with fangs so even though it's not really in the movie that does kind of count.
I give it a Vampire Beauty Rating of 4 out of 5.  Can't give it a 5 because vampires aren't even in 75% of the film.  Much like From Dusk Till Dawn it's 25% vampire horror and 75% something else.  With the exception of Tatiana if you see a female vampire introduced she's going to be stake fodder within 5 minutes.

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