Saturday, March 24, 2018

Vampiress Review: "The Night Watchmen"

The Gist: A group of bumbling night watchman are trapped in an office building that has been taken over by vampires and they along with the only surviving employee try to survive.

Clarification:  The issue starts when a clown troop goes to Romania, gets sick and dies.  One of the caskets gets mistakenly delivered to the office building of a newspaper and when the creepy head of the security company opens it to try to steal from the corpse he gets bitten by a vampire clown. This starts a cycle that very quickly spreads to everyone but security who're too busy hazing the new recruit to notice the panic going on.

This is a rated R horror comedy.  The comedy is pretty much limited to poop gags (you hear every vampire expel their bowels when they're killed which they comment on) and just inappropriately goofy behavior during otherwise tense moments. It's not overly dumb but not overly clever either. 

Selling Point:  It is about vampire clowns so it's a pretty good gag film to show anyone you know that already has a clown phobia.

Female Vampire Factor:  Since the film is in the Survival horror genre the vampires aren't humanized in any way which is mentioned by the characters stating things like "Vampires are supposed to be sparkly and pretty" and "I've seen every episode of True Blood and it's not supposed to be like this".

The only characters you truly get to know in the film are the watchman and the one surviving female that they all have a crush on but you do get to briefly see some office stereotypes who get turned and their demise usually has something to do with that stereotype.  For example Penny the nerdy best friend of the hot girl that no one notices.  She can't see without her glasses so knocking them off was how they got passed her.
Or the office slut.  She got distracted when the rookie accidentally touched her breasts resulting in her forgetting she was a blood thirsty vampire and then just attempting to rape him which opened up the opportunity to stake her.
Pretty much every female in the office but the "hot girl" gets turned but actual screen time is seconds similar to your average zombie film.
I give it a Vampire Beauty Rating of 3 out of 5.  Decent movie that was definitely going for that British Simon Pegg/Nick Frost style of horror comedy.  Definitely watchable but not quite to the genre what Lesbian Vampire Killers was (speaking of which the movie does have lesbian vampires in it).

1 comment:

  1. Hi Jmac !!! Maybe the only good thing about this movie are the Vampire women, which are very beautiful and sexy. They are thirsty for blood, and behave like infected zombies, for their aggressiveness, and for how they "caress" the crystal gates. Their hands are soft and delicate like silk, although they are stained with blood.

    The bad thing is that this sexy Vampiresses don't smell like perfume precisely ... they stinks, and they their breath smells so bad (something logical), not to mention the "gases" that they release when they die hahaha. But despite that they have their sexy and erotic touch (Tiffany Shepis is a great example of that, she is the sexiest and the hottest Vampiress of this film, despite the fact of she smells so stink).

    Thank you so much my friend, post me an reply about my comment, please. A hug !!!