Wednesday, January 8, 2014

Vampiress Review: Teenage Space Vampires/ Darkness: The Teen Space Vampire Saga

The Gist: An alien is turning all the people of a small town into vampire like creatures in an attempt to find a stone which would engulf the light of the sun and its up to a teenage boy to stop them.

Clarification:  So basically a movie that wasn't that great when it was originally released in 1999 gets re-released with a new name and box art (complete with models who aren't even in the film) hoping to fool fans of the Twilight genre into watching it.  This movie was made in Romania which pretty much explains why the town loves the sport of soccer so much but why an advanced alien race would fly millions of miles just to take over a high school soccer team is a real head scratcher.  Then again if it worked for the Mighty Morphin Power Rangers for going on 3 decades now who's to question alien monsters obsession with Earth high schools.

Selling Point: According to the company that made it, apparently the models on the "Darkness" cover.

Female Vampire Factor: Well there's two which I guess is a positive but since this movie is pretty cheesy I don't know how much of a positive it is, especially since one of them, specifically Paula the public relations lady played by the actually pretty hot Romanian model Bianca Brad looks like an alien from an old episode of "Unsolved Mysteries" when she turns.

Someone needs to call the ghost of Robert Stack
As far as the other one goes in actuality the entire cheerleading squad of the school gets turned (by the soccer team who gets turned first) but since they're all just background fodder we get to only notice the head cheerleader played by Canadian actress Lindy Booth.
Lindy Booth does not look like this in this movie unfortunately
 Now normally the idea of vampire cheerleaders is a great one but there is something just totally off about it here.  Possible the frumpy 1980's look of the uniforms or the really weird fangs used in the film but there's pretty much nothing hot about this.

For that this film gets a vampire rating of 1 out of 5.  You're pretty much better off just watching the first three seasons of The Vampire Diaries if you want some decent teenage vampires.

1 comment: