Sunday, January 5, 2014

Vampiress Review: "Snoopy Green's Vampire Movie"

The Gist:  A pothead decides to make a movie about vampires and ends up hiring an actual vampire to play the lead.

Clarification:  Honestly, I think I did pretty good with "the gist" as I"m pretty sure the film maker aka Snoopy Green was extremely high when he came up with this film.  It has some SERIOUS A.D.D. often stopping the plot completely for scenes in which Green and another cast member take turns hitting a bong while talking political conspiracy theories regarding the Bush administration (I can't make this stuff up folks).  It's basically a bad movie about someone making a bad movie and I'm almost positive watching it creates some type of rift in the space/time continuum. 

Selling Point:  Getting the answer to the question of "How bad can a movie be", also Tess Hunt is pretty hot in all those short skirts she sports in it.

Female Vampire Factor: In the film Vlad (aka the vampire who wants to be an actor) has a sister named Zara played by Siri Dyal.  She doesn't want him to be an actor because they are supposed to have sex and make evil demon babies together (again, I can't make this stuff up).  Also Vlad has a thing for his co-star Betty (Tess Hunt) and she eventually is turned as well.  At least by this movies version as there is no real special effects or fangs. Basically here's one of the closest things to a hot vamp scene you will find.

Anyway the film gets a Vampire Beauty Rating of 1 out of 5.  On paper this could have worked but it wasn't taken serious enough to have any real entertainment value other than the occasional T&A.

Full Movie

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