Tuesday, July 9, 2013

Vampiress Review: "Vamp U"

The Gist: A vampire living as a college professor gets buyers remorse when he turns a female coed into one of the undead once he realizes the evil he unleashed.

Clarification:  So the preview (below) makes you believe that the film is about the girls but it in fact is more about the vampire professor who's name just so happens to be Wayne Gretsky. As the story goes he was completely hung up on his one true love but accidentally killed her in a fit of blood lust (or so he thought which we'll get into later).  After that moment he could never get his fangs to work up until he set his sites for the first time on Chris who happens to be a dead ringer for his true love Mary.  What complicates things much more than the fact that vampire Chris is SUPER evil is the fact that she is also the daughter of Wayne's true love who didn't die after all and has been "living" as a vampire the entire time he thought she was dead.


Selling Point:  Once the sorority girls become vampires they become VERY slutty

 Female Vampire Factor:  Taking into account what I've already mentioned regarding the film the whole "Slutty Vampire Sorority" girls portion takes awhile to get started but once it does, it's a pretty good payoff for fans of girls with fangs.  For those who have seen the vampire episode of "Smallville" you've pretty much seen this film.  The sole reason I can recommend this film is that indeed the female lead is evil...

Julie Gonzalo (Chris Keller/Mary Lipinsky)
Chris starts off as an innocent young college freshman.  That all changes when she has an affair with her history professor who sprouts a pair of fangs and bites her in hopes of spending an undead eternity with her feeding off of animal blood (he doesn't feed off of humans).  Instead she pretty much does what every female vampire on any episode of "True Blood" does as soon as she gets turned and goes on a long, bloody killing spree.  Is it just blood lust that will eventually wear off like every female turn on "The Vampire Diaries?" The answer is NO.  She becomes mad with power takes over her sorority turning those willing into vampires and killing the rest and apparently teaches them to use their hotness to bring in victims with the ultimate goal of becoming the leader of a large group of vampires.  How evil do you have to be when the vamp that turns you, your vampire mother (Also played by Gonzalo) and your high school sweetheart all come together in hopes of killing you?

 So in the end what you basically have is an American answer to the British film "Lesbian Vampire Killers" minus the nudity but with not as weird looking female vampires but just as obnoxious protagonists.  My only complaint regarding this film is that it is promoted like it would fall into a similar category as films in the National Lampoon and American Pie franchises (smut filled comedy) but falls short of achieving either at that level.  For that it gets a Vampire Beauty Rating of 4 out of 5.

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