Tuesday, October 23, 2012

Vampiress Review: "I Kissed a Vampire"

 The Gist:  The answer to the question of "How surprisingly not horrible it would be if you combined "Twilight" with "High School Musical"?

Clarification:  Based on the 2009 web series of the same name, you've got a kid named Dylan who was randomly bit by a girl at his school and now he is showing signs of changing to a vampire (which he is explaining to his therapist and is shown as flashbacks throughout the beginning of the movie).  Eventually a guy named Trey Sylvania shows up to help him out in his transition and ends up taking a nip out of Dylan's girlfriend Sarah.  It is then up to the two to find a cure before Sarah fully turns and becomes a part of Trey's harem of vamps.

Selling Point:  No shortage of vampire backup dancers who are referred to on the official website as "The Vampirettes".

 Female Vampire Factor: As stated above "Trey" has a harem of vampire females he keeps around who hang around the background of most of his singing portions of the movie who get their fair share of screen time.

 but in the end their is only one real female main character in the film (not counting Dylan's therapist) and she does turn almost immediately...

Adrian Slade (Sarah)
 Sarah and Dylan's relationship is best described as "cute".  She is literally the girl next door and is head over heels for the guy and the one thing she really wants is for him to kiss her (yes this movie is VERY innocent).  The main issue is that when he's finally ready its after he's been bit so he ends up going for her neck every time.   In a regular theme amongst films like this her transformation is a lot more aggressive than his so literally she is bit in one scene and has fangs and is craving blood in the very next (basically the "G" rated version of Fright Nights "Amy").  Also just like Amy and unfortunately for Dylan, she is just as easy to control by the vamp that bit her. 

This film gets a Vampire Beauty Rating of 4 out of 5.  The main problem is just the whole "having to sit through a film about awkward teenagers littered with ridiculous amounts of teeny bopper bubble gum pop music" that has to be experienced in order to attempt to enjoy what is otherwise a halfway decent plot. 

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