Saturday, January 12, 2013

Vampiress Review: "Vamps"

The Gist:  Two girls try to make it through life in modern day New York City as vampires.

Clarification: Goody and Stacy are two best friends and roommates who have shared their life together ever since Stacy was turned sometime in the 1990's.  One day Stacy falls in love with the son of a vampire slayer and gets pregnant by him.  In order to have the baby she will need to go back to being a human and the only way that will happen is if the vampire that turned her is killed (which would revert her to the age she would have been if not turned).  The problem is, if this happens it means death to Goody who has always told Stacy they were the same age but is actually MUCH older.

Selling Point: Best described as "cute". This movie is funny and very entertaining and has tons of rewatchability.  Basically take some of your best buddy comedies and give it short skirts and fangs.

Female Vampire Factor: Can't say there's a shortage since all the main characters are female vampires so here's the quick rundown.

Alicia Silverstone (Goody)
The 90's teen star who went from doing Aerosmith video's to pretty much being in everything else during that time period plays "Goody".  Goody was turned in the 1800's to keep from dying from disease which was plaguing New York city during her lifetime.  At that time she had already been married and had children and lived what would have been in her day an adult life.  Most of her time as a vampire was very lonely up until she met Stacy who then taught her how to have fun and be young in the modern age.  Goody always hid how old she was from Stacy (but not very well as she would ramble on about old times but just cover up how she knew it by saying she learned it on the history channel and openly complained about how modern technology frustrates her) as she explained "because having another vampire her age seemed to comfort her" but it worked the other way around just as much.

Krysten Ritter (Stacy)
The former "Breaking Bad" star plays Goody's best friend Stacy.  Stacy was in her 20's and into the early 90's drugs and party scene when she was turned.  Originally supposed to be a victim it was Goody who saved her life by convincing the vamp that turned them that she should be turned instead of killed because she'd make a good clothing model (Cisserus is very vain and since she can't see herself in a mirror she uses young attractive women to model her cloths in order to imagine what they'd look like on her).   She's a very loyal friend and helps Goody adjust to 21st century life.

Sigourney Weaver (Cisserus)
Cisserus is the self centered amoral homicidal maker of Goody and Stacy.  The biggest issue with her is that she doesn't think before she does anything.  If she thinks a guys attractive, she's going after him (until she gets bored then she'll kill him).  If she's hungry she'll kill an entire neighborhood, chop them up then dump the bodies on a street corner for anyone to find.  This pretty much means, she's the only vampiric vampire in the movie but she's also a danger to the rest as the authorities and press begin to realize whats going on as her victims pile up.

As I mentioned, this is more of buddy comedy than anything else so Goody and Stacy only feed off of mice and rats.  There is one scene where Goody goes out with a coke head musician where she's hit with a case of bloodlust as his nose starts to bleed but otherwise all feeding scenes are strictly with Cisserus.  Stacy is a little more liberal with her vampire abilities so her fangs come out much more than Goodies in regular situations.  Despite it being an extremely entertaining movie it gets a Vampire beauty rating of 4 out of 5.  Marilu Henner also makes an appearance in the film but you never see her with fangs.  Either way I highly recommend this film at least for its entertainment value.


1 comment:

  1. I was looking forward to this movie as a nice pair of fangs could revive even Alicia Silverstone to her best days, but unfortunately they're on the wrong teeth and too small.