Sunday, April 3, 2016

Vampiress Review: "Bloodsucka Jones"

The Gist: An idiot begins dating a girl but is stuck fighting for his life when it turns out her step brother is the leader of a group of preppy vampires who don't want him with her.

Clarification: So despite the name BloodSucka Jones is not a vampire, he's a vampire hunter who's a blacksploitation parody.  Also despite his name being the title of the film it isn't about him.  His character comes into play later after the goof with the vampire girlfriend hires another goof that thinks he's a hunter and they both need saving from the vampires.  He then helps train them to face the vampires along with his "hot Philippine chick" sidekick Vanessa.
The film is genuinely funny when it concentrates on the main plot.  It kind of looses itself once Bloodsucka Jones is introduced but finds it's way again.  Basically the sophomoric (stupid) humor of the two main characters and the vampires is better than the parody humor of Jones character which kind of feels out of place and forced.

Selling Point:  Everything

Female Vampire Factor:  You've got two main ones in the film

First there's Christine (Jessica Dercks)
She is the girlfriend that the vampires are trying to keep from dating.  As the story goes she's not a full vampire and must feed on her true love in order to fully turn.  Their plan was to scare David (the boyfriend) into breaking up with her so she'd kill him in revenge but he doesn't because he's not smart enough to recognize the danger and usually responds to the threats (which many times include physical violence) with some off the wall remark about something totally unrelated.

Then there's the female of the preppy vampire group Heather (Erin Holt)
She is the #2 in command of the group (group ranking of the members is a running gag throughout as one of the members is always trying to be #2 but keeps getting jumped in line by random people).  Her breasts get remarked on a lot and she is very particular regarding what she wears.  (SPOILER ALERT she dies after she's tricked into putting on a K-mart sweater!)

Outside of those two the only other female vampires consists of basically 10 or 20 other random hot women that show up throughout the film.
The women in this film are used very similar to the Howard Stern TV show "Son of the Beach" in that basically it has a plot that it follows and is done very well and is very funny but at the end of the day is just an excuse to throw hot women on camera.  I loved it and well worth viewing.  Vampire Beauty Rating of 5 out of 5.

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