Vampiress Review: "Underworld: Blood Wars"

The Gist: After years of hunting her the vampires are desperate and want her to come back to the fold to help train the next generation of death dealers but a pair of rogue vampires sabotage the reunion.

Clarification: At this point in the series the idea of continuity is pretty much thrown out the window. The beginning of these films are not only used as a form of recap but to explain exactly why nothing that happened in the previous films will really be addressed in the one you're about to watch other than having flashbacks as time filler since the actors from those films aren't in it.

Basically this continues the vampire snow white story that they keep recycling for the franchise.  Selene is the greatest thing since sliced bread and someone is jealous so they frame her so that the vampire higher ups believe she's turned on her own kind and she has to clear her name.

Selling Point: Recycled storyline or not it's a pretty good action/adventure franchise.

Female Vampire factor: Of course we know of Selene played by Kate Beckinsale.

The main antagonist of the film who plays the "wicked queen" role is Semira played by Lara Pulver

 Also with her is a vampiress named Alexia played by Daisy Head who is herself a double agent as she is conspiring against both sides with her lover who is a Lycan which as seen below doesn't get her too far.

Finally Selene has a vampiress on her side as well in the form of the healer and teleporter Lena played by Clemintine Nicholson

This film is easily the best use of female vampires in the entire franchise so I'll give it a Vampire Beauty Rating of 4 out of 5.  Still more of a Lord of the Rings style fantasy adventure than anything horror related and it still doesn't make sense to me that werewolves and vampires depend on firearms and weapons but it could be much worse.  While the film does end with a hint that a spinoff franchise is coming it seems that it will more likely be on the small screen and the Selene story may be over.

Vampiress XXX Review: "Cathula 2: Vampires of Sex"

The Gist: Various ghouls, demons and the devil bring female victims to the Vampiress Cathula

Clarification: This film has less plot than the last one and that's saying something considering how little plot the last one had.  In fact there is very little carry over from that film whatsoever.   Basically it's almost two and a half hours of non stop sex and orgies with dark horror backgrounds involving actors with altered voices with an attempt at a movie in the first 10 and last 20 minutes.  You honestly could go the entire film without knowing it's a vampire movie which is how little that aspect is even acknowledged after the first 20 minutes or so of attempted plot involving the resurrection of Cathula.

Selling Point: The lesbian scenes are the only really watchable parts of the movie which pretty much make up half of it.

Female Vampire Factor: On top of the above point about the quality of the lesbian scenes, the one around the 40 minute mark of the film is literally the only one in which the women show any fang at all despite the fact that this film is supposed to be about women being turned into vampires as both women have fangs out the entire scene.

Other than that the only other time you see a woman with fangs in this vampire movie is the very last scene in which Cathula (Cathy Berry) fangs out into the camera.

Lack of a linear story pretty much kills the enjoyment factor of this franchise for me.  I get it's a porn and you're only supposed to watch it for sex but when you attempt a plot, just kind of tossing it around and throwing in effects and edits for the sake of doing it, that hurts it more than helps it.  It's almost as if watching the first and the second hours are almost two different movies (and had the whole movie been similar to the last part of it the film would have been much more enjoyable).  In fact, edit this movie down to an hour centering it around the Cathula scenes and adding a scene set up or two would make this movie pretty good.  I give it a Vampire Beauty rating of 2 out of 5.

Vampiress Review: Vampire (1979)

The Gist: A man finds himself the target of a vampire looking for revenge after turning him into the police for being an art thief.

Clarification: This was a made for TV film in 1979 that is basically just a modern interpretation of the Dracula story but with slight changes and taking place in California revolving around two men hunting the vampire. Probably not so coincidentally the lead vampire hunter in the film is named John Rawlins which is more than likely in homage to vampire film director Jean Rollins.

Female Vampire Factor:  Not much in this film not to mention there are no vampire effects used so no makeup, eyes or fangs.  The main protagonists wife Leslie (Kathryn Harrold) does get turned and he is tasked with killing her ala Lucy in Dracula mid-way through the film (her only scene as a vampire).

Outside of that you've got nothing else in that category so I give it a Vampire Beauty Rating of 1 out of 5.