Sunday, May 24, 2020

Vampiress Review: "Real Blood: The True Beginning"

The Gist: A doctor after being attacked by angry locals wakes up as a vampire.  After seeking revenge on those who attacked him he unknowingly turns them into vampires and must once again stop them now that they have supernatural powers.

Female Vampire Factor:  The main character Dr Oliver Roberts has an assistant (I guess, it's not really clear as she might just be a lady who works there) who regularly comes to him and hits on him while he's at his office named Nurse Julie Perkins (Lisa E Phillips)
She becomes a vampire for about 5 seconds towards the end of the movie.
She attacks one of the main characters Reggie (aka the films director Phillip Penza) which doesn't turn him as he finds out he's immune and his blood apparently cures her of her vampirism.  We know this because they basically say that's what happens. This film does a lot of the whole "you don't need to see it played out, we'll just have someone tell you what's happening" way of visual storytelling.

Final Opinion:  This movie is so messed up.  So it's attempting to be a superhero origin story with the character of Dr Roberts being a character similar to Ghost Rider in a way (killed, then some demon person gives him powers that brings him back to life but to sustain those powers has to do evil things but chooses to go after people who themselves are evil) and his best friend/driver Reggie kind of being like his Alfred if Dr Roberts was Batman.  I say attempt because it misses the mark big time.  Imagine Ghost Rider but if the movie was only about Johnny Blaze when he wasn't Ghost Rider and you only hear about the cool stuff that probably happens when he turns but never actually see it.  Well that's this film.  Then again, Johnny Blaze was a stunt driver as his day job so that would still be exciting.  This guy is a research scientist with a poorly acted love life.  Not so much

To add to the fact that this is the most non actionist vampire action movie imaginable the final act of the film consists of softcore shock porn including a woman making a cross dressing vampire drink her urine before sex in a scene that is not plot related whatsoever.  I mean the film is literally PG up to this point then just out of the blue the last act went off the rails.  It was almost like the film makers watched the first half that they shot up to that point, hated it and then was like let's just fix it by throwing in tits and weird fetish sex.  

Finally this is one of those films that reels you in by throwing out a bunch of D list celebrities in the advertising when in reality those people are barely in the movie and whose actual part in the film can only be considered a cameo appearance at best.  The promotional posters all state the film stars Eric Roberts, Lorenzo Lamas and Big Daddy Kane.  All three have one scene each where they basically say one thing and you never see them again. Big Daddy Kane specifically plays a TV reporter who doesn't even really need to be in it who reports on what happened at the end of the film. At least the other two had somewhat plot related appearances in the actual movie if small ones.
I give this film a Vampire Beauty Rating of 1 out of 5.  The concept was interesting, the execution (or lack of) is the problem.

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