Sunday, January 13, 2019

Vampiress Review: "Blood River" (2013)

The Gist:  A group of people heading to a concert get stuck in a backwoods town and become the targets of a vampire and her supernatural daughter.

Clarification:  As described, this film is an attempt at being the "people take a wrong turn and end up in the middle of nowhere and victims of backwoods town people" type film.  Unfortunately while the premise is fine the execution is where the problem lies. 

The biggest issue I felt was that it takes the film way too long to get started.  The movie itself doesn't really get started till about an hour in with the first hour being character development that has no baring on the films plot at all.  On top of that the stuff that does need explained pretty much gets "yadda, yadda" past.  Basically the people most important to the end of the movie are the people that get the least time and explanation throughout the movie.  Basically it's the equivalent to Dracula but with most of the film being Jonathon Harkers ride to Transylvania and the rest of the story being the last few minutes.

Selling Point: If you're into cougar nudity there's at least something to look forward to. 

Female Vampire Factor: Very little.   The film establishes in the very confusing first hour through randomly placed flashbacks that Annabella was a decoy for her mother and another female vampire.
 She has supernatural powers allowing her to make people do what she says allowing her to bring victims for the vampires to feed on.
We're eventually shown that the vampires human servant got tired of working for evil and decided to turn on her vampire masters by tainting their blood (that was served to them in beer mugs) with Holy Water.
One dies, Annabella's mother survives but is charred and Annabella survives.  Assuming they were dormant for decades Annabella in present day is now looking for victims for her mother to bring her back to normal and the concert goers happen to be at the wrong place at the wrong time. 
Not all the stranded people get killed by Annabella and her mom in the film as a few get turned but they got the cheap fang treatment and don't last past the scene in which they're revealed to have turned.
The odd thing about this film is the best vampire shots are the still production shots during the closing credits.
I give this film a Vampire Beauty Rating of 2 out of 5.  Definitely a wasted opportunity as this story would make a great horror flick with a bit more direction.  Basically the film "Vanished" which I reviewed here does the premise of "small town with vampire residents feeding on people" much better.

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