Sunday, February 18, 2018

Vampiress Review: "Hacked Horror Film Massacre"

The Gist: A collection of short stories held together by a storyline that they are horror films found through computer hacking.

Clarification:  This film comes off more like an episode of an off the wall adult swim series than a collection of horror movies.  Each film is separated by random b-roll of a woman at a computer followed by clips of random things.  A good majority of the films run time is padded with the random clips with the actual film probably not even totaling all together an hour in length.

 The movie has 10 short films in it:
- Death Kiss
- Mind of the Monster
- Lust of Dracula
- Princess Baby meets Frankenstein
- Princess Baby and Frankenstein meet Billy the Kid
- Death of the Monster
- The Adventures of Jesse James Jr.
- To Dance for a Vampire
- Return to Earth: Princess Baby vs Gefullte
- Blood Love

Biggest Complaint: The bulk of these films aren't even horror.  They're really weird Sci-Fi films that come off as just different sections of the same film involving a woman dressed as an anime style space woman named Princess Baby.

Female Vampire Factor:  In "Death Kiss" a vampire kidnaps a woman while she's on a date with her boyfriend.  Her boyfriend then learns kung fu to seek out revenge.  When he finds the vampire he finds her along with him as a vampire as well.
 In "To Dance for a Vampire" a vampire saves a stripper who is a reincarnation of his former lover from her stalker ex boyfriend and takes her back to his home where he bites her in an effort to turn her.  She doesn't actually turn but there is a very quick scene of her in one of her previous lives with fangs.
Two of the other films in this collection also deal with vampires but no females.  "Lust of Dracula" is just Dracula seducing and biting a woman and "Blood Love" is a vampire almost turning a woman but changing his mind at the last second. 

I give the film a Vampire Beauty Rating of 2 out of 5.  Can't say I recommend viewing this one but the one positive is the film with the most female fangs is the first one so 15 minutes is the most you'd have to put up with if that's all you're watching for.

No comments:

Post a Comment