Saturday, August 22, 2015

Vampiress Review: "Vampire Chicks with Chainsaws"

The Gist: An innocent bystander gets stuck in a civil war between the last remaining female vampires in existence over his blood.

Clarification: So despite the title this is not your USA Up All Night throwback film filled with scantily clad slutty women doing bimbo like things to unsuspecting guys.  In fact the film takes itself very seriously as an action film.  So much so that the vampire aspect is barely needed.  Basically it's told from the perspective of the character Quinn (the innocent bystander) as if it's a flashback of some sort though by the end it just comes off as regular narration.  He's attacked by a women who injects him with something.  It ends up being some type of cure for vampirism that is also lethal to some vampires and makes him a target for a brood of female vampires as well as a group of vampire hunters. It then turns out that the woman who attacked him was the sister of a member of that brood who then joins him and the rest of the movie is her helping him to escape the large group hunting him.

Selling Point: Every Female in the film is a vampire

Female Vampire Factor:  As mentioned the vampire factor is there but it's not really a vampire movie as much as it is a survival action film.  In this movies universe there are no male vampires and female vampires are practically immortal as only the males have the issues seen in vampire folklore (stake through the heart, sunlight, garlic etc) but also only males can create more vampires.

As far as the vampires themselves the main protagonist vampire "Karel" (Jenna Lisonbee) is basically nothing more than a carbon copy of Selene from Underworld (this film has a lot of similarities to that film just with chainsaws and in the daytime as a matter of fact) and does nothing vampiric.
If it weren't for the chainsaw gimmick which lets be honest isn't needed and really makes no sense as why would a creature that is immortal A. need a weapon and B. use one that is going to waste the one thing that it requires to live, the three antagonist vampires...
 would be the reason to watch.  Even so they do flash fangs a few times here in there but very little biting as like I said they're in more action scenes than anything else.   In fact, the above screen caps are the best fang flashes of the three characters and the movie is about an hour and twenty two minutes long.  For that it gets a Vampire Beauty Rating of 2 out of 5.

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