Saturday, October 3, 2020

Vampiress Review: "Vampie: The Silliest Vampire Movie Ever Made"

 The Gist: A vampiress and a vampire hunting priest must stop an evil vamp from using a magic ambulate to create an army of zombies. 

Female Vampire Factor: The main vampire protagonist of the film is Azure St Claire who is played by the films producer/writer Ming Ballard.

While absolutely beautiful and spends most of the film in what could be described as vampire fetish wear

the problem is she's an anti-vampire so she isn't really very vampiric.  She explains that she's allergic to blood and uses the magic "vampie" to help her feed without directly drinking blood. She does have one scene where she actually does bite someone and the reaction was more disgust so it just seems like it's more of a taste preference than an actual allergy.  

 The second vamp of the film is the henchwoman of the villain vampire Mannon, Ludmilla (Sophie Mazzaro)

 The Maxim cover girl contest winner is super hot.  Unfortunately she gets barely any screen time and is kind of an after thought.

The final vamp of the group is the true reason to watch the film if you're going to watch it which is the character Grace (Maya Merker)
Grace starts the film as Azures friend and co-worker at her bakery.  It becomes very clear that she wishes that she could be a vampire as she constantly asks Azure about what it's like.

Eventually it's revealed that she's made a deal with the evil vampire Mannon.  In exchange for helping him steal the Vampie they will turn her into a vampire which they do. 

this of course leads to a showdown between her and Azure as the films main payoff. 

Final Opinion: False advertising at it's finest, the one bothersome thing about this film is it would be rather good if it completely took itself seriously.  Specifically the films beginning is pretty hard to watch with the awkward soundtrack and just awkward everything else.  Once we get into the actual story it's decent.  Basically the film really gets going once Grace is turned who is the real selling point of the film.  I give it a Vampire Beauty Rating of 4 out of 5.  If the movie itself was better it could get a 5 but just the fact that it's full of attractive vampire women in fetish wear makes it watchable and pretty enjoyable with the fast forward button handy. 

1 comment:

  1. not that it matters but I'm pretty sure Azure St. Claire is transgender. Just an interesting side note that that seems a more and more common casting choice in movies about female vampires- it goes back to Charles Busch's drag queen play, "Lesbian Vampires of Sodom", I guess.