Saturday, October 21, 2017

Vampiress Review: "Forest of the Vampire"

The Gist:  A group of travelers take a trip to a forest that ends up being haunted by a vampire.

Clarification:  I describe this movie as being bi-polar.  In that meaning there is about 15 to 20 minutes that is really enjoyable and then the rest is probably top 10 the worst thing you will ever set your eyes on.  Basically the first part of the film is random people who get attacked by a stereotypical Dracula inspired vampire.
Then we're introduced to the protagonists of the film who are two young couples who like in many low budget indy films like this are about as likable as a rabid pit bull as they just argue and complain to each other about each other a lot.
When they finally get to the haunted woods they're picked off one by one by vampires in somewhat of a daytime Blair Witch Project portion of the film other than you see what's killing them and it's not in first person (this was the enjoyable part).  Then the films last portion is what is best described as the wort acid trip known to man and is practically unwatchable.  I'm talking odd green screen effects featuring psychedelic colors and nausea inducing camera motion.
On top of that due to the distortion of the characters voices you can't really understand much of what they say during this point so even if you could watch it without feeling like you were on the worst rollercoaster ever you wouldn't understand it.

Selling Point: That small portion that is a horror movie is really enjoyable.

Female Vampire Factor:  (SPOILER ALERT)  So we have two vampires in these woods of note.  One is the Dracula looking one who is attacking anyone who comes in.  The other is a blonde woman who looks like she stepped right out of a Hammer Horror film who we find out is a good vampire looking to stop him.
These vampires can operate just fine in the daytime since the entire film takes place in the daytime. The only exception being when they go to the "what the hell am I watching" dimension at the end.

Two women who get attacked by the Dracula vamp do get turned and get to attack someone.
This includes one of the girls of the couple who for whatever reason is in only her bra and panties during this part.  The scene where she goes after the other girl would be pretty hot if it weren't for the voice distortion.
I give the movie a Vampire Beauty Rating of 3 out of 5.  The above stills all come from one scene which should have been the entire movie.  Everything before and after this is either hard to watch or unwatchable unfortunately.

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