Vampiress Review: "Night Teeth"

 

The Gist: A young man filling in for his brother as a limo driver is unknowingly placed in the middle of a murder plot consisting of female vampire assassins on a murder spree. 

Female Vampire Factor: The passengers that limo driver Benny is assigned to pick up are two party girls by the name of Blare and Zoe.

Zoe is the brains of the operation.  She's the girlfriend of the vampire boss Victor who is using the two girls to take out his competition.  She's very short tempered and has no issue with killing anyone who crosses her. 

Blare on the other hand comes off more a victim of circumstance.  She goes along with everything Zoe does because Zoe is who created her but is still in tune with her human emotions and bonds with Benny throughout the film to the point that it seems she's into him and how innocent he is and doesn't want to see him harmed in spite of Zoe and Victors plans for him. 

The only other two female vampires in the film come in the form of one of the vampire leaders Grace and her #2

Grace in this case is played by the it girl of the 2010's Meghan Fox.  She doesn't do anything vampiric but you do get to see her in a very sexy outfit and with fangs during her one scene. 

Final Opinion:  Netflix thankfully does seemingly include one original vampire film in it's Halloween lineup and this one was a very pleasant surprise.  While I've never really been a fan of non horror vampire films, especially ones with the "vampires are just supernatural mobsters" premise as I prefer vampires to be something to fear, this one wasn't too bad.  The underlying story that the elite in the city of Los Angeles are really vampires who own the government and the street gangs are actually vampire hunters was a decent twist though not really explored enough to be important to the plot.  From a femme vamp standpoint you get a much better use of Lucy Fry as a vampire than she was used in the box office bomb "Vampire Academy". That as well as vampire Meghan Fox (though nowhere near the non vampiric performance in Jennifers Body) gives this a Vampire Beauty Rating of 3 out of 5.    

Vampiress Review: "Vamp Bikers"

 

The Gist: There are bikers and some of them are vampires and occasionally really crappy cops confront them. 

Female Vampire Factor: There are a bunch sporadically in the film.  The ones that get the most screen time tend to be related to flashbacks related to one particular vampire including the female vampires in the group that originally turned him.

A blind girl that he is in love with who is eventually turned (who is also the first to have a bite scene in the film).

and the vampires that originally turned her that include two females. 

 

Final Opinion: This is indy film A.D.D. at it's worst.  It comes off as an hour and a half of scenes that when put together do not create a story that can be followed whatsoever. No transitions, no main characters to follow just a bunch of vampire bikers randomly doing stuff with multiple nonsensical time jumps to the past of someone that's never given any real importance. This film is part one of a trilogy that I can only assume was all shot at once because in one of the nonsensical time jump scenes a joke is made about the priest in the movie looking like an actor from the third movie which I guess would be funny if it weren't for the fact that chronologically no one would have seen the third movie if it hasn't come out yet when this was released. I give it a Vampire Beauty Rating of 2 out of 5 as you do get some hot female vamps but none are main characters, it's clear their fang budget ran out by the end of the movie and there definitely isn't enough to justify watching this Frankenstein like collections of scenes they try to call a movie.

Vampiress Review: "Blood Immortal"

 

The Gist: Three stories of female vampires trying to survive over generations.

Female Vampire Factor: The film is divided into three chapters.  

In Chapter 1: "The Founding (Origins)" we get the story of a woman and her daughter (Josephine and Fiona).  They are alone as Josephines husband died in war.  She herself is also deathly ill. 

One day a mysterious man comes by claiming to be from the government with an offer to buy their land.

 In reality he's a vampire who wants to take Josephine for his bride.  He eventually bites her and turns her. 

When she realizes what's become of her she and Fiona attack and eventually kill the stranger.  The Chapter ends with Fiona offering to feed Josephine her blood. 

In Chapter 2: "Isolation, Caution"

Now in modern times Fiona now a vampire herself is struggling to survive as the blood population is tainted.  With every female (as she's apparently a lesbian) she bites she gets sicker and sicker. 

 During this time she's also attending night classes that focus on economics.  Her professor is a lonely woman and they hit it off immediately striking up a friendship.

The Chapter ends with the depressed professor seeking Fiona out for comfort after being embarrassed attempting to ask a colleague out for a date. Fiona sick with blood lust seduces then feeds on her. 

In the third and final Chapter

Now in the future, civilization is in ruin and two vampires, Josephine and her daughter Eliza, are struggling to survive.  Eliza is deathly ill due to the poisoned blood supply of the humans. 

Josephine decides to bribe the worker at a blood bank with ancient coins in exchange for fresh blood to feed her daughter.  

The blood bank worker trades those coins to a group of shady people who decide they are going to find the source and rob them.  

The Chapter ends with the daughter Eliza dying from blood poisoning and the mother Jospehine murdering the attempted thieves.

 
Final Opinion: My only real complaint is just the fact that I'm not sure if these are continuous stories or not.  The girl in chapter 2 has the same name as the daughter in chapter 1 and the mother in chapters 1 and 3 are played by the same actress with the same name as well but different daughters.  Other than that not half bad.  Chapter 2 is definitely the highlight of the film.  I give it a Vampire Beauty Rating of 4 out of 5.  Only thing keeping it from a straight 5 is Chapter 3 being more of a post apocalyptic survival film than a vampire horror.

Vampiress Review: "Blood of Dracula"

The Gist: A teacher at an all girls school conducts an experiment on a co-ed hypnotizing her and turning her into a vampire.

Female Vampire Factor: As mentioned the main character in the film Nancy is the victim of hypnosis.

During various situation she blacks out and turns into a very weird looking bat vampire creature and ends up killing two students at her school and one male visitor.

Final Opinion:  If it weren't for the overkill on the vampire look this would be a pretty decent movie.  You still would have to deal with the 1950's teeny bopper singing and clique building story the film began with but watching Nancy lose control when she gets around people the way she eventually does would be much more rewarding if it was just fangs.  Since it's not I give it a Vampire Beauty Rating of 1 out of 5.

Vampiress Review: "B-negative"

The Gist: A loser named Barry as a way to get over his lack of ability to conceive children decides to try to join an order of vampires so he could live forever. 

Female Vampire Factor: The leader of the vampire faction is a woman they call pops.

The only other femme vamp is at the end of the film when Barry and his wife Kate are turned but no fangs, just an ending scene of them laying with the rest of the group. 

Final Opinion: I think this film was meant to be a comedy but it wasn't very funny at all.  In fact the character Barry is un-entertainingly obnoxious.  Instead of goofy the film is an hour and a half of this guy whining in every scene he's in.  In most movies a character like this would be the annoying best friend of the main character that is just limited to giving the main character stupid solutions to their problems but gets ignored which works because they're only seen in small doses.  With him being the main character this movie was extremely hard to watch since it makes the movie as a whole more annoying than entertaining.   "Jobless whining loser who doesn't appreciate his way out of his league wife and oversteps his boundaries with people he barely knows due to having the personality of an entitled 2 year old" doesn't make much of a movie protagonist.  In fact this is the kind of film you watch as a dare just to see if you can make it through to the end.  I give this film a Vampire Beauty Rating 1 out of 5 (only because the scale doesn't go lower). 

Vampiress Review: Blood Ransom

The Gist: A driver for a group of mobsters devises a plan to save a stripper who works for them who he is in love with not realizing that the mobsters are vampires and the woman is in the process of becoming one herself.

Female Vampire Factor: Since it's established very early that Crystal (Anne Curtis) is a vampire it's not about if but when does it happen.

99% of the film is her fighting her urges so don't expect much vampirism.  She does not want to turn and especially does not want to kill the man she loves Jeremiah with a lot of her dialogue being her trying to convince someone to kill her.  That means the closest you get in that portion is her getting veins in her face and red eyes as she fights back her urges while the two escape the vampires chasing them looking for her.

Once she exposes to Jeremiah what she's becoming they head to a pyschic who explains how she can become human again.  Crystal doesn't believe the psychic so she proves to her what she's saying is true by exposing that she is herself a vampire and her little girl is turning like Crystal is (the idea being you have to drink a special potion within a specific time from being turned and you can go back and also to kill a vampire they must have their throat slid with a specific blade)

 (SPOILER ALERT) In the films final act both the vampire and Dan, the cop on the case who happens to be Jeremiah's best friend catch up to them.  Crystal and Jeremiah survive the vampire attack when Crystal forgoes taking the vampire cure in order to rip him to shreds but Dan then confronts them with the intent to kill Crystal.  Jeremiah steps in front of Crystal and pleads for her life and tries to shoot the cop but when that doesn't work because his gun jams gets shot three times in the chest.  This is the one and only time in the film that Crystal actually fangs out as she loses it over Jeremiahs "death" (post credits hints he didn't die and she turned him).

Final Opinion: Best way to describe this film is Innocent Blood meets John Carpenters Vampires. The ending is a bit of a let down especially since the reality was that Crystal was not in any real danger from Dan and could have handled herself (she did after all rip the head vampire to shreds just the scene before and this was just a small town cop) so this kind of falls under the Titanic "Jack didn't have to die because there was plenty of room on the wood" type argument. While it's a good movie I can only give a Vampire Beauty Rating of 3 out of 5 since it's a film about a hot lady almost being a vampire more than being a vampire film.

Vampiress Review: "Dracula's Fiancee"

The Gist: Two hunters searching for Dracula encounter other monsters and a convent of nuns guarding them as the vampire count is collecting women to be his bride.

Female Vampire Factor:  There is only one female vampire in this film.  A red head woman who pretty much looks like every vampiress in a Jean Rollins film.

 Her role is basically to randomly exist and for T&A purposes as she's not very important to the plot.  Basically as the film gets uninteresting a scene will randomly pop up with her doing something kind of lesbianish. For example you have a scene where she bites an injured ogress.

Then one where she sucks the blood of a nun with her bare butt exposed.

and finally one where she has a blood drinking makout session with a werewolf.

Final Opinion:  If you've seen a Jean Rollins film before then you pretty much know what to expect as his vampire films are pretty much the same.  If I were going to suggest one to watch this would probably not be it though so I'll give it a Vampire Beauty Rating of 3 out of 5. Gratuitous sexy vampire stuff is in the film but nowhere near the level as many of his past films.

Vampiress Review: "Daytime"

The Gist: A musician falls in love with a nightclub singer who ends up being a vampire and their relationship struggles dealing with her lack of control of her blood lust.

Female Vampire Factor: We start with a guy named Andre watching a woman named Rose singing at a club.  He confronts her saying he's tired of waiting in order to see her then they kiss.

8 months later they're together in a van.  We see that they're out of vials of something.  She asks Andre who is now her boyfriend if he loves her unconditionally.  He says yes and they begin to make out in the back of the van.  She then sprouts fangs and bites him as we find out she's a vampire. 

She panics and takes off.  We then see that she has thoughts of feeding on him that she struggles with whenever they're close.

She eventually comes back to the van where Andre tries to convince her that it's time to move on to the next city.  She instead convinces him to go to a bar for a night out. Again they begin to kiss resulting in her thinking about biting him. She gives the excuse that she has to go to the bathroom but ends up instead finding a random guy to feed on but gets caught before she can do it.

The guy ends up hitting Rose with a bottle and Andre attacks him in order to defend her.  When Andre goes to see if Rose is ok her blood lust leads her to attack him.

She comes to her senses just in time and they argue with Rose trying to convince Andre that he is better off without her before she eventually starts getting very ill.

We then find out that this was really a story Andre wrote for his girlfriend Rose who in actuality is in drug rehab showing that the blood lust in the story was just an analogy for her heroin addiction.

Final Opinion: I've always preferred vampire films where vampirism isn't just a personality trait or an alternative lifestyle but instead something that can't be controlled so the drug addiction analogy is perfect as it's never made sense to me in media where vampires never deal with uncontrollable blood lust and live perfectly normal lives.  Vampires should be monsters and Rose definitely falls into that category even if a sympathetic one.  I give it a Vampire Beauty Rating of 4 out of 5. 

Vampiress Review: Lilith (2013)

The Gist: A Vampire meets a call girl and they develop a fast relationship where they help each other out with their problems.

Female Vampire Factor: The film immediately introduces us to our vampire protagonist where we're shown that she struggles with what she is.  Not wanting to kill she attempts to feed from blood bags but her body immediately rejects it.

When she goes out she sees a prostitute being manhandled by one of her clients and she steps in to save her.

The prostitute then takes the vampire back to her brothel where she introduces her to the owner and she is given a job.  On her first night one of the brothels regulars gets a bit too handsy with the vampire girl who then uses her strength against him to the delight of her prostitute friend. We then find that the relationship between the two is more than just platonic as the two kiss.

The prostitute caring too much about the vampire tells her to leave as she doesn't want her to be in that lifestyle.  The next day we see the vampire going through a truck full of medical supplies looking for more blood bags.  When the driver of the truck comes back he informs her if she has cash he has no problem getting her the blood she needs.

She does not which brings her back to the brothel to make money.  The handsy client from before returns and picks her for sex.  When he gets too physical with her she decapitates him with our last view being her covered in his blood holding his head.

Final Opinion: Not much to go on as a vampire movie as the vampire in this story goes out of her way to not do anything vampiric.  I give this film a Vampire Beauty Rating of 1 out of 5.  Outside of the establishing that she lives on blood bags this can pretty much pass as any movie about girls who do sex work out of necessity as even the lesbian relationship never really gets any screen time once established.