Sunday, May 26, 2019

Vampiress Review: "Queen Dracula"

The Gist:  A Vampiress takes control of a man in order to get her hands on an inheritance left to his daughters.

Female Vampire Factor:  There are four in total.  One who is killed in the first 5 minutes of the film to establish the role of the vampire hunter. 
After the beginning vampire scene you're immediately thrown into a "taming of the shrew" knockoff where men are trying to marry one of two daughters in an effort to get money.  One daughter who works at a store wants love while the other dresses and acts like a lesbian in an effort to keep men away and won't let anyone near her little sister. 
As far as the vampire portions the father in the film gets a postcard from someone in "Transylvania" and immediately heads there.  Apparently he gets there by car and everyone has a southern US accent so we're just going to pretend this isn't the Transylvania in Europe so I'm just going to assume he went to a small rural town called Transylvania,  Maybe Transylvania University in Kentucky?  There he's met by a group of vampires who want to attack him but they're called off by the Vampire Queen by her basically killing one of them.
 From their the vampire Queen "Dee" seduces Jonathon using her sexiest 1960's robot voice (emotion?  who needs emotion?) while doing the old "appearing as whatever the guys fantasies are" routine used in Tales from the Crypt presents Bordello of Blood
After a little arm feeding Jonathon is now under Dee's spell and he brings her back to live with him and the girls.  They don't take well to the new arrangement especially Lucy (the fake lesbian) who attacks Dee and is put in an asylum.  It's then up to Mina (the younger daughter) and a vampire hunter to save her dad from the vampire in his life.

Final Opinion: So the bulk of the movie is really bad green screen work revolving around this absolutely horribly acted story of guys trying to date these girls.  When I say bad green screen work I mean almost every background in this film outside of the first 10 minutes is green screen. 

I give this film a Vampire Beauty Rating of 1.5 out of 5.  If this film was not as horrible as it is I'd give it a solid 2 because Dee is attractive and toward the end she even age shifts and younger Dee is also very attractive even if she looks nothing like modern Dee and doesn't have the southern accent that modern and older Dee does.
With that being said I can't emphasize enough how bad this film actually is which is very disappointing as the story that it's supposed to tell would be pretty interesting if done right.  I do recommend watching it if you're into comically bad movies though as it is laughable so it is enjoyable at least for that purpose.

1 comment:

  1. You gonna update your post anytime soon? I miss your posts