Saturday, November 17, 2018

Vampiress Review: "Female Vampires Online"

The Gist: A college student recruits his friend and a college professor to follow two girls to Vegas in order to save them from a brood of vampires who run an adult website.

Clarification:  The concept gets an A+.  The execution gets an F--- (yep that's three minuses this one is pretty bad).  So from what I understand this was a web series that was then re-released as a full film.  Problem is the story goes all over the place. In order to pull this off the film needs to be re-edited to tell one story instead of the several stories split up by episode that you get in a web series.

Biggest Complaint: The bulk of this film revolves around a search for a peeping tom.  This storyline does get resolved by the end.  Problem is it has no bearing on the films advertised main plot. This happens quite a bit with subplots that get introduced that in the end never relate to the main plot of the film and are just time filler making almost the whole film filler.  That results is basically you being told in scenes about the vampire story while the less interesting stuff plays out on screen. It also doesn't help that none of the characters in the film are likable at all.  Basically 3 out of the four main protagonists are in a battle for who can be more obnoxious. 

Female Vampire Factor: So we start with the concept that the vampires are killing guys who just watch their website by appearing behind them and biting them.  That makes this seem like it's going to be a horror in the style of The Ring.  Don't get used to this as it never happens again.
From there the plot completely dumps the "vampires attacking perverts in their home while they're distracted" (much better) plot for the concept that they are only a threat to the people they are molesting and biting on their website. They're only killing men it should be noted.  It's later revealed that men can't be turned so basically men are food and women are recruits.
There's also a sub plot about a female vampire who is standing against the others.
This plot is the only time the female vamps get any real screen time and it only amounts to two scenes so this plot does not get resolved whatsoever in this film and goes against the last two attempted plots of they only attack perves who log onto their site or people on videos through their website.  This is too bad as it had potential.
So in the end we just have an un-finished web series merged into a hard to follow film with no payoff. I give it a Vampire Beauty Rating of 2 out of 5.  This is one hour of movie in which only 8 minutes actually has vampire or anything related to them in it with the rest being a very poor attempt at raunchy comedy.   This one is a miss.

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