Showing posts with label twilight. Show all posts

Wednesday, May 25, 2016

Vampiress XXX Review: "Twilight of Virginity"

The Gist: A Vampire sets his sights on the new virgin in town but he's not the only vampire who senses her and he must protect her from the others.

Clarification: A cheap not well thought out attempt to capitalize on the Twilight craze. The parody aspect is very loosely based on the film with the bulk of it being basically just a stereo-typically cheap porn that has some slight plot similarities to Twilight.

Selling Point: Nope

Female Vampire Factor: In theory every female in the film but the "Bella" character is a vampire but there are no fangs, no biting and pretty much no real vampirism in the film. Their obsession as stated in the gist is taking the girls virginity and that plot is reserved mainly for the guys as the women are just vagina's for the guys to have sex with in between the plot related scenes.

I didn't think you could get worse than the actual Twilight film but this actually finds a way to do it. I give it a Vampire Beauty Rating of 1 out of 5. To get a better version of nearly the same premise without the Twilight references check out the film "I am Virgin".

Twilight of Virginity - Spoof Feature brought to you by Spankwire

Wednesday, October 1, 2014

Twilight's not dead yet

Twilight author Stephanie Meyer has announced a contest in which 5 aspiring female directors would be selected to create short films based on the Twilight saga to be shown on facebook sometime in 2015. The contest will be judged by Meyers herself along with Kristin Stewert (Bella from Twilight) , Octavia Spencer (Academy Award winning actress for "The Help"), Julie Bowen (Emmy Award winning actress for Modern Family), Catherine Hardwicke (Twlight director), and Cathy Schulman (Academy Award winning producer) and the shorts will be backed by Lions Gate entertainment.

Kristin Stewart as Bella

Meyers has stated that the purpose of this contest is to bridge the gap in the lack of female directors but I can't help but think the subject of the contest might have a lot more to do with it. Especially with the inability to garner the same success that she had with Twilight with the last Meyer book to film adaptation, the box office flop "The Host". With Anne Rice and Universal agreeing to revive Lestat I fully expect the Cullens to return as the authors security blanket sooner than later with this being step 1. Especially with Lions Gates quote regarding this project helping to "Introduce the World of Twilight to a whole new audience while re-energizing existing fans" combines with Meyers own cryptic quote of "This is just the begining -A template- if you will." and most importantly she states "You can probably guess what might be coming next."

I won't grown too hard as some "Twi-hards" do get it such as Fleetwood Mac member Stevie Nicks whose music video for "Moonlight" was inspired by the series and VERY well done. IF one of the winners decides more vampire-ism and less teen love drama I'm all for it.

Related Stories:
- The Sexy Female Vamps of Twilight

Kate Winslet, Octavia Spencer, Julie Bowen, Catherine Hardwicke and Cathy Schulman - See more at: http://www.hindustantimes.com/entertainment/hollywood/twilight-saga-set-to-return-with-5-short-films-on-facebook/article1-1270523.aspx#sthash.6pySIz5K.dpuf

Tuesday, June 5, 2012

Vampiress Review: "Vampires Suck"

The Gist: 3 Twilight films condensed into one more entertaining movie with stupid gags thrown in.

Clarification: If you take away the randomly thrown in pop culture references that these movie spoofs are known for and make it a straight Twilight parody, the movie is actually WAY more entertaining than Twilight without watering down the story at all. You can literally watch this film and know the story of the Twilight films without missing much.

Selling Point: There's actually fangs in this one.

Female Vampire Factor: This film gets a Vampire Beauty Rating of 5 out of 5. The actresses that they get to parody the Twilight characters are hot and in some cases hotter than the actual actresses (I was never impressed by Nikki Reed as Rosalie). There are a few dry spots in it and the ending is poor at best but for guys this is much better than watching the real thing.

Vampiress Cast

Kelsey Ford (Iris)

Iris is Edwards adopted vampire sister (aka "Alice Cullen"). She's really perky and cute and takes to "Becca" right away when they first meet up until the point where Becca accidentally cuts herself resulting in her along with the rest of her family trying to eat her. Eventually she apologizes and the two team up to save Edward when he goes to kill himself after thinking Becca had died.

Rosalyn & Eden

Only really seen in the "Becca meets the Sullens" scene, Eden is the mother of the Sullen clan and Rosalyn is Edward and Irises "Sister". As stated above, the scene is a mixup of the scene in which Bella meets the Cullens for the first time in Twilight and the birthday party scene from "New Moon". In this case, instead of Jasper (or in this film "Jeremiah") being the only one to attack Becca the whole family tries to get a piece. This is one of those situations where the parody actress is hotter than the actual character as Stephanie Fischer (Rosalyn) was much hotter than Reed. At the other end Elizabeth Reaser (Esme) gets the nod in the hotness department over Mad TV alum Crista Flanagan (Eden) but only slightly considering Flanagan has posed nude for Playboy.

Arielle Kebbel (Rachel)

Rachel would be this movies answer to "Victoria" of the Twilight Saga. Lots of fang and hissing shots of her for the times she's actually in the movie but unfortunately her demise comes in the form of being recast halfway through. This isn't her only fanged venture as I discussed her some time ago in my review of the hot female vampires of the Vampire Diaries as well.

Jenn Proske (Becca)

Edward bites "Becca" (aka Bella Swan) at the end of the film at the prom. Following the bite he then gets attacked by a group of young girls representing "Team Jacob". During the credits he gets up followed by Becca vamping out and attacking the girls. A great little Easter Egg for sure.

Where to Watch

Thursday, April 12, 2012

Vampiress Music Video: Stevie Nicks "Moonlight (A Vampires Dream)"

Stevie Nicks

Moonlight (A Vampires Dream)

In Your Dreams

produced in 2011

Ms Nicks of Fleetwood Mac fame is apparently a big Twilight fan. There's nothing strange about that as MANY women are (even if she is old enough to be their mothers). This video is very much inspired by the Twilight series and it's the first thing you think of when you look at the filming style of it. The one major difference between this video and the actual film series Twilight is that the vampires in this video have not "Evolved without fangs" as the twilight vamps have. With that being said the main reason to watch this video is for the HOT violin player played by Vampire Diaries star Torrey Devito


Torrey Devito as the violin playing vampiress

This is great as you can't see her as a vampire on that show (yet). Basically all she does in the video is spin around with a violin but honestly that's all she needs to do. Her beauty in this sticks out like soar thumb and it makes me wish that the producers of this video had a hand in the actual twilight saga itself. This video shows if anything what one or two changes to that movie could have done (darker tone + fangs = a winner).

Monday, April 9, 2012

Sexy Female Vamps of "Twilight"

https://www.amazon.com/gp/search/ref=as_li_qf_sp_sr_tl?ie=UTF8&keywords=twilight&tag=celebrityvamp-20&index=aps&linkCode=ur2&camp=1789&creative=9325

The Twilight Saga are a set of 5 films based on books of the same names. They are categorized as teen romance films and that along with the fact that there isn't really too much character turn around, no fangs and the films are just generally hard to watch and that explains why I"m doing the run down this way and not 5 individual reviews like I would normally do movies. The series might have been better off done as a TV series similar to the Vampire Diaries (which has fangs) but even I can't deny that this series is making way too much money for any complaints about it to be valid. Anyway the story revolves around a really boring girl named Bella who is in love with a really boring "vampire" named Edward while her childhood friend (and werewolf) Jacob tries to win her over. Since these "vampires" are seemingly just pale humans with an eccentric diet (they drink animal blood) and really sexy eyes (see there was a positive), this will just be a character rundown (as to not bore this blogs demographic with clips of really long drawn out dialog that goes absolutely no where).

Alice Cullen

Played by Ashley Green, Alice is the best friend of Bella once her romance with her adopted brother starts. She also has psychic abilities and a really trendy haircut. She's like the Jennifer Aniston of vampires I guess. She's also the only Cullen you can see with fangs thanks to Ashley making public appearances with them thus making her my favorite.

Rosalie Hale

The bitchy blonde of the family who didn't warm up to Bella too well in the beginning. She has a troubled past which I guess explains her bitchiness. Rosalie is played by not very blonde Nikki Reed.

Esme Cullen

Esme is the mother of rest of the group. Well, mother in that she cared for them after they were turned into non vampires and protects them as if they're her own. Like everyone else there is a sob story behind her getting turned leading to her personality quirk. In her case she lost a child. Esme is played by Elizabeth Reaser.

Victoria

Played by Rachelle Lafevre (left) and Bryce Dallas Howard (right). Victoria was one of the few vampires in the series that might actually resemble what a vampire is by definition. Though just as sappy as the rest she DOES drink human blood.

Unfortunately her purpose in the movie is as the "Wyle E. Coyote

" to Bella Swans "Road Runner."

Jane

First I have to wonder; Dakota Fanning has grown up to be pretty damn hot. If we're going to get her to play a vampire why are we aging her backward and covering her up? Anyway Jane is one of the main representatives of the Vulturi who are like a vampire governing body. They get sent to Forks due to all the BS that's going on in the town over Edward and Bella and the different mess they get into. Since she was a witch in her former life she has the very "Ghost Rider" like ability to make people experience her death (she was burned at the stake) with her mind.

Bella Swan

After three and three quarter movies of back and forth, in Breaking Dawn part 1, Edward and Bella get married, Bella gets pregnant and in order to save her gets turned and they have a human/vampire hybrid baby (and if we haven't learned anything from movies, it's that the baby is going to grow up to wear black leather and hunt vampires like Blade and Bloodrayne who were also Damphyre). Bella is played by the ok looking and extremely leggy Kristin Stewart who was pretty pale as it is so not much of a difference between Human Bella and Vamp Bella to me.

Where to Watch

Monday, December 12, 2011

Celebrity Halloween costume contest

Halloween is one of the best times of year as you can't go to a Halloween party anywhere without finding at least one girl in a sexy vampire costume. Celebrities obviously are no different so who do you think made the sexiest Halloween celebrity vampiress?

Karlie Kloss & Abbey Lee (Fashion Models)