Vampiress Review: Fright Club

 

The Gist: In order for a group of friends to join an exclusive club they must impress the elder with scary stories.

Female Vampire Factor:  Story number two in the film is told by the character Omar and is titled "The Boy who Cried Vamp".  In it he describes an unemployed DJ named Jamal who ends up getting a job at a nightclub not knowing that it is run by vampires and that he was being turned into one as well.  The female vamp of the story is a stripper named Nisa.

In a twist we also briefly see his girlfriend Kendra with fangs as well. 

Final Opinion: Best described as kind of a watered down "Tales from the Hood" the vampire story itself is short and to the point with a run time just shy of 25 minutes with a good majority of it just being gratuitous shots of Nisa fanging out

For that I'll give it a vampire beauty rating of 4 out of 5.  The rest of the film is ok, you get a weird modern retelling of little red riding hood and Frankenstein followed by finding out that the club was really full of demons.  I wouldn't exactly blame anyone for skipping to just the vampire story and not watching the rest. 

Vampiress Music Video: Aly & Aj's "Take Me"

Aly&AJ are an American Pop Rock duo consisting of Sister Alysson and Amanda Mickulka in this music video for their 2017 single "Take Me" the sisters are a pair of vampires.

 The video is simple but sexy.  The video shows the bodies of what seems to be an entire family they've fed on throughout a house.  This is spliced in with scenes of them singing with and without their fangs.

This is not the first time they've been featured here as the two sisters seem to enjoy wearing fangs in their private life as well and not just for the promotion of this video.

Specifically with the duo going out as sexy vampires for Halloween that is featured in my Celebrity Vampire Costume Galleries from 2011

Vampiress Review: "Blood Cure"

The Gist: A fledgling vampire named Rowena tells her life story to a non believing therapist.

Clarification: Also known as "Nightcomer" It's less of a vampire story and more of a "Here's the story of a girl who has to con her way though life who also happens to be a vampire" story.   Everything she does throughout the film is for the purpose of making enough money to get to Mexico in order to meet a woman who she believes could cure her.

Selling Point:  Very intriguing story plus you get to see former child actress Mackenzie Rosman in very sexy clothing for most of it.

Female Vampire Factor: As mentioned above the film stars former 7th Heaven child star Mackenzie Rosman as Rowena.

Vampire moments in this film are very few and far between.  Rowena is a good girl who does what she has to do to survive so there isn't any blood lusting or predatory behavior on her part.  The only time she feeds in the film is the couple of times she runs into some bad people on the streets of Los Angeles so this film has a bit of a  "reluctant superhero" vibe going on similar to what you would see in drama based marvel entities like Jessica Jones and Luke Cage. Also just like a Marvel film it does have a post credit scene.  Don't expect fangs in the film though.  They didn't shell out for that.

My only real complaint about the film outside of the lack of fangs is the ending is non existent.  All that buildup about going to Mexico and it never gets resolved.  The film just ends after she raises enough money (not to mention the fact that she learns all the hard work she put in during the movie was pointless and there was a much easier way the whole time).  Other than that I really liked it. I give a Vampire Beauty Rating of 4 out of 5.  If it had fangs it would definitely get a 5.

  

Vampiress Review: "Young Hannah: Queen of the Vampires"

The Gist: After his father is murdered by having a tomb dropped on him a son inadvertently releases a deadly female vampire on an island when he opens it to free his fathers body.

Clarification:  Also known by the title "Crypt of the Living Dead" it's a pretty straight forward film that revolves around a guy who comes to an island to retrieve the body of his late father.  Everyone on the island knows and believes the legend that in the crypt the man's body is trapped in is the body of a vampire and opening it means releasing her but they eventually do help him as his father was a well respected person on the island.  Of course the guy doesn't believe the legend but low and behold the crypt gets opened the body in the crypt was in pristine condition in spite of the fact that it was hundreds of years old and people started dying immediately after.

Eventually you learn that someone on the island had a plan to resurrect her all along and the guys father was trying to stop them.

Female Vampire Factor: Teresa Gimpera stars as Hannah.

She's really a non factor for most of the film.   She doesn't speak and only functions at night.  In fact most of the film once she's introduced follows the people on the island preparing for her than her actually doing anything until towards the end which is when she actually starts doing the whole "feeding on people" thing.

The film also starred Patty Shepard as a school teacher on the island who takes a romantic interest in the newcomer to the island.  Shepard played a vampire herself in the 1971 film Werewolf vs the Vampire Woman.

In the films twist ending you find out that one of the girls in the school has been turned which she enlists a boy to make sure none of the adults are around and she asks him to come in to play with her.

 I wouldn't consider the film a must watch since as I said even though the title character of the film is a female vampire the film really doesn't revolve around her till the end. I give it a Vampire Beauty Rating of 3 out of 5.

Vampiress Review: "Drawing Blood"

The Gist: A man stuck serving a female vampire decides to stand up to her once he falls for her next victim.

Clarification:  It's a Troma film so don't expect much.  In fact the film starts off very serious and ends like a comedy.   It's not even subtle where it can be considered a dark comedy it is straight up dramatic for a full 50% of the film and downright slapstick for 50% like they decided they didn't like the script halfway through filming but didn't care to redo the scenes they already filmed.  This theory is further driven home by the fact that the synopsis given for the film has the vampire and her handler being brother and sister which is not the case in the actual film with the relationship between the two being explained in the later more comedic parts of the film.

So basically a guy goes out with a woman who ends up being a vampire who falls for him and wants to turn him. Since he's a giggalo he refuses her offer so basically the arrangement is he does her bidding and she doesn't turn him.  She has a weird art fetish so he has to bring her young women who she then drains of blood and uses the blood to paint with.  I would complain about the whole "vampire using the thing she needs to live as art supplies" thing but the entire movie pretty much dumps on vampire lore and blood lust really doesn't exist here.

Selling Point/Female Vampire Factor: Dawn Spinella made an awesome vampire as Diana.

This was amazing considering how poorly the story is told and how little screen time she gets despite being the films main antagonist.   Fact is had the story concentrated more on her obsession with "Edmond" (Kirk Wilson) it would have made a much better film than the "We'll figure it out as we go" jigsaw puzzle this film turnout out to be.

I give the film a Vampire Beauty rating of 2 out of 5.  It had potential but doesn't live up to it.  To get a story like this but told much better check out the film "Bitten".

Vampiress Review: Sleepless Nights

The Gist:  When a woman who works for a group of vampire hunting mercenaries is diagnosed with Cancer she seeks out a vampire in hopes to extend her life.

Clarification:  Decent story but a very amateur film.  The story itself has a very illogical flow where people figure out things after being given little to no information to be able to figure out said things.  It sounds like a knit pick but the entire flow of the film is based on that happening.  In other words it's one of those films that depends on film cliches happening to forward the plot even where those cliches don't make sense.

Selling Point:  Female vampire cliche's... Oh and did I mention the main protagonist vampires name is Christian Grey. 

Female vampire Factor: Your protagonist vampire of the film was turned by his wife Allison (Courtney Balaker). 

She pretty much has the same role as Blades mother as a tool used to catch the films protagonist off guard by using someone he cares about.  Unfortunately she's terrible at it and her appearance in the film is to do nothing more than set up her own quick death despite the fact that finding her was supposed to be a major plot point (BTW they don't actually find her or have a chance to look, she just kind of magically shows up at a convenient time). 

You then get the stereotypical damsel in distress turned into blood thirsty vampire who'd rather talk about how she's going to eat you while sounding more like a dominatrix than a monster than actually eat you Carla (Kelley Busby).

This scene would have been hot if she didn't look like she just escaped from a lesbian biker bar.

Finally you have the cancer stricken vampire hunter Kaitlin (Jacqueline Anderson).

 (

The cliche final scene in which she says goodbye to her now ex as she moves on to her new vampire life.  If you missed it just watch the end of Queen of the Damned (which came out the same year).   Same thing but without fangs.

I give the film a Vampire Beauty Rating of 3 out of 5.  This film is more "great attempt at a vampire film with no budget and amateurs actors" bad more than "lazy independent film maker" bad.

Vampiress XXX Review: "Queen of the Sex Vampire"

The gist: A woman gets a job as a maid and starts to have strange sexual dreams about her employer and being a vampire.

Clarification:  Yeah, I'm not going to insult your intelligence and pretend I even came close to understanding what was going on in this film.   It's not even the language barrier issue as most JAV (That's Japanese Adult Video) movies are pretty self explanatory.  You take one part generic situation and add some inappropriate seducing and you have 90% of these films. Anyway there isn't much if any dialogue in the film at all to even understand to begin with, just awkwardly cut dream sequences that you don't know are dream sequences until she wakes up from them.

Selling Point/Female Vampire Factor: So the JAV Idol in this film is Yaya Matsushima

She spends the film basically in two looks.  The frumpy Japanese Maid outfit that's in most of these films that call for a maid.

And the vampire look which is nothing more than a Dracula style cloak, fangs and stockings.

The movie itself is basically just sex scenes that may or may not be dream sequences with the final one being where she finally becomes full vamp.  It's a so-so JAV vampire film.  I give it a Vampire Beauty Rating of 3 out of 5.

UPDATE: After watching the film "Sex Vampire Terror Hospital" which is the first part of this movie the plot makes slightly more sense.  The man that Yaya works for is a vampire who is feeding on her as she's sleeping and the dreams are her becoming a vampire by the end she is the new vampire queen.

The Vampiress Episode: Playboy's Sexy Girls Next Door

"Vamping Vixens"

Series episode 44

Original Air Date: 9/12/2003

Playboys Sexy Girls Next Door was a reality television series which aired exclusively on Playboy TV from 2000 to 2005.  In the series Playboy producers would select three women from around the country to come live in a mansion and do sample photo shoots put together by the team who does the spreads for Playboy magazine.  The girl who puts on the best shoot then gets a Playboy contract and does a sexy video.  While the premise is "reality", it is porn reality which isn't very realistic (which is a good thing in this case).  I say this because seemingly in every episode the girls hit it off very well to the point that they eventually end up in a naked pillow fight, shower, skinny dip or any other cheesy softcore porn cliche you can come up with. 

In this particular episode the winner of the contest is a sexy latina from Arizona named Samantha Martinez (below)

Samantha's sexy shoot for Playboy was a dark piece in which she walks into a random bedroom wearing a short black pleather dress coat with sexy lingerie underneath.  She begins getting romantic with a young woman who was laying unsuspecting in the bed of the room with both eventually getting fully naked.  As they really start to get into it Samantha sprouts a set of fangs and begins drinking the blood from the young woman's neck.  Once she takes it all she gets dressed and moves on.....  Like I said, "porn reality".