Vampiress Review: "Bram Stokers Dracula's Curse"

 

The Gist:  When a rogue vampire Countess and her brood break a truce between humans and vampires,  It's up to a disbanded group of vampire hunters along with the fiance of a woman kidnapped by the countess to stop them.

Female Vampire Factor: The main villain of the film is Countess Bathorly (Christina Rosenberg)

The film follows a similar premise as Kindred: The Embraced were vampires are divided into mafia style clans.  The Countess leads a clan that consists of all females.

She is pretty obviously inspired by Countess Elizabeth Bathory as her background story is exactly the same.   When it came to established vampire names, they changed a few letters I guess to establish them as their own. 

While all the other clans agreed to the truce Bathorly was nowhere to be found and presumed dead thus never agreed.  Once all the other clans became weak from not drinking human blood she sets out on a plan to send her vampiresses to hunt pure blood descendants of "Dracoolia's" original brides as drinking their blood would give them the strength to then destroy or force all the rest of the vampires to worship her.  

Most other female vamps in the film are just background T&A but there are A LOT of them.  You do get reveals that Dracoolia's brides looked exactly like the descendants that are being hunted.

Who themselves are revealed to have been turned by the films final battle including the sister of one of the vampire hunters and the missing girlfriend.

Finally the love interest of vampire hunter Jacob Van Helsing also turns out to be a vampire. The hunter in reality wants to be turned but she refuses as she loves him too much to curse him.

 She is forced to change her mind when he has fatal injuries and she turns him to save his life.

 

Final Opinion:  The film is probably 85% hot female vampires though they really don't do too much vampiric other than the above kidnapping and turning scenes and one scene where the boyfriend of the kidnapped girl is trained on how to kill a vampire by being confronted with a sexy vampire to see if he could do it. A scene which in itself is odd as it's addressed in the film that not all vampires are bad and they don't kill the ones who aren't and she does nothing to instigate being used for target practice. I guess we are to assume she is one of Bathorly's girls.

Otherwise they're just eye candy in the background of scenes which includes a small bit of vampire lesbianism and a lot of fight scenes.

I give this a Vampire Beauty Rating of 5 out of 5.  It's pretty corny and the ending twist is best described as super convenient as it completely nullifies the rest of the movie but it is definitely watchable if women with fangs is your thing. 

Vampiress Review: "Vampire Vlad"

The Gist: A vampire goes through somewhat of a mid-life crisis dealing with relationship problems and wanting kids.

Female Vampire Factor: Technically there are no female vampires in the series but the main character is played by the shows creator Kristen Lucas who obviously isn't male.

Final Opinion: The series starts out ok but then devolves into bad slapstick jokes.  Episode 1 pretty much is the best episode of the series which revolves around Vlad and his girlfriend breaking up.  From there you get awkward experiences like Vlad at yoga, Vlad at Karaoke, Vlad looking for the product of his sperm donation and Vlad trying to fit in at a college party.  Most of the jokes revolve on "him" taking figurative language literal.  I give it a Vampire Beauty Rating of 1 out of 5.

Vampiress Review: "Bad Girl Dracula"

The Gist: Three short stories revolving around the life of a vampire named "Bad Girl Dracula" and her master "Brinke Stevens"

Female Vampire Factor:  The main characters of the film are Bad Girl Dracula (Dee Flowered)

and the Master Vampire Brinke Stevens (Tittiana Sprinkles)

In the first part of the film a reporter named Miranda Soledad (Thio Rose) confronts Dracula and the Master under the guise of writing a story about them but in reality is a vampire they turned during an orgy seeking revenge.  She changes her mind when they invite her to participate in another orgy.

In the second story titled The Bloody Brides of Bad Girl Dracula she and the master travel from the 1970's to the 2010's to find a vampire named Sexfuratu (Izzie Pop)

In the final story "Bad Girl Dracula and the Pussy the Bites Back"  Dracula and her girlfriend Marsha Hunt (Ebony Dee Lyte) are confronted by Abraham Van Helsing who warns them that they will be destroyed by a vampire with special abilities.

When this vampire named Pussy Lugosi (Anne Atomic) arrives the master ends up exposing that she isn't even a real vampire.

Meanwhile Van Helsing goes to save a girl named Amanda Garcia (Mia O'My) just to disappointingly find out that she didn't need saving as she voluntarily let Dracula turn her.

Final Opinion:  This is the same group in Georgia that gave us "Space Boobs in Space".  While neither movie is that great this one is miles better as far as at least having a functional story to follow and they get brownie points for the names based on actresses from vampire movies. 

The stories themselves are hit or miss (The first two I liked, the last not so much) with the biggest issue being the long drawn out segments between the stories where Dracula and the master just talk about nothingness for an extended period of time (They're watching these stories on a TV as well).  I can only assume these segments are a social experiment to see how much mindless dribble a person is capable of listening to as long as the biggest cleavage you've ever seen is visible while it's happening (or they're just padding the run time)

I'll give it a Vampire Beauty Rating of 3 out of 5 If you like having half naked thicker sized women being thrown at you this film is for you.  Otherwise nothing else to really make it a must watch.

Vampiress XXX Review: "Devil Lady Vampire"

The Gist: A vampire disguised as a prostitute lours men to her layer for blood and sex. 

Female Vampire Factor: The Jav idol for this film is Hatano Yui. Basically it's a straight forward fem dom film that is broken down into three scenes.  In the first we see her seduce and man and bring her down to her home. 

 That's where she puts on her cloak and transforms into her vampire form.

She then proceeds to tie him down and her her way with him biting him along the way well concentrating on a lot of oral and hand sex.  Basically she feeds on his cum.

In the next scene we find that she has 3 men tied up and handcuffed who she proceeds seduce and milk as well.

In the final scene she has sex with a man who seems to be turning into a werewolf.

Final Opinion: This one unlike most isn't really storyline based so the selling point is basically Yui's outfits and seeing her with fangs.  No real complaints there so I give it a Vampire Beauty Rating of 5 out of 5.

Vampiress XXX Review: "Ejacula"

The Gist: A clock repairman is sent to a castle for a job and barely makes it out alive when he's confronted by the vampire owners.  He then recruits a vampire hunter as revenge.

Clarification:  So if you're looking for a deep story you might want to skip this one.  The backstory only really exists at the very beginning and as an occasional break from the vampire orgy's otherwise just different variations of either vampire guy or girl having sex with random person, or each other, or a hunchback played by Ron Jeremy.

Selling Point: If you're really into the Dracula look (cloaks) and fangs the vampires in this film are pretty much always sporting them.

Female Vampire Factor:  Ejacula is played by Patricia Kennedy

Maybe it's just because it was the decade I hit puberty but something about women in the 90's drives me wild.  In spite of the fact that this movie looks pretty old as anything that was on VHS will look (don't get me wrong this was produced in 1992 so it IS old) and in spite of the ridiculous makeup they put her in she is smoking hot in this film.

 Actually maybe she isn't.  I'm easily distracted by long legs which she definitely is sporting here.

Either way this is basically just a film you're watching for the sex and not the story.  Her fangs are completely out when she's having sex which I know some of you are very particular about.

Also she does feed in the film so there is supposed to be some horror elements. (though they aren't very good).

also she isn't the only female vampire as there is one in a vampire orgy scene that is credited as "Vampira" played by Alessandra.

The film doesn't actually have an ending as there is a sequel that continues the story.  As porn goes it's average at best but it does try.  I give it a Vampire Beauty Rating of 3 out of 5.

Vampiress Review: Le Fille de Dracula

The Gist: A girl finds out on her grandmothers death bed that she comes from a long line of vampires and just so happens to be one herself.

Clarification:  Does this film make sense?  No... Does it matter.... NO!  This isn't one of Jess Franco's better known films but it at least in my opinion is down right the sexiest one when it comes to the subject of female vampires and lesbianism.  Much more so than even Vampyros Lesbos.

Selling Point:  Hot fangy lesbian action

Female Vampire Factor:

Britt Nichols (Luisa Karlstein)

Basically her role is nothing more than hot babe in short skirt who fangs out whenever her female childhood best friend is in the room because she's horny.  At least that's the only parts I care about as the film is basically a lesbian porn whenever its not trying to push a plot on you.  She's also the victim delivery service for her great great grand vamp living in the basement of her families castle which normally also leads to her fanging out. 

 So while not as blatant as Franco's other films my vote definitely goes to this one as far as sensuality goes.  You will be hard pressed to find a better sex scene than the two in this film between Luisa and Karine (Anne Libert)

 For that I give the film a Vampire Beauty rating of 5 out of 5. 

Vampiress Review: "Vampira" (Old Dracula)

The Gist: After an experiment to bring Count Dracula's wife back to life goes wrong and turns her black, Dracula travels to London in an effort to "cure" her.

Clarification: Basically Count Dracula had turned his home into a tourist attraction where people could stay the night in a vampire themed castle. There he would drug them and drain them of their blood and bottle it while they slept hoping to find a rare blood type that would cure his wife "Vampira" of a blood disease that resulted in her having to be frozen to prevent her death.  One evening a group of Playboy Playmates stay at the castle and one of them happened to have the magic blood type to cure Vampira.  That blood ends up getting mixed with the blood of one of the black playmates resulting in "Vampira" being cured and brought back to life but now as a black woman.

This film is a British attempt at capitalizing on the Blaxploitation craze which had taken over the US film industry in the 1970s.  The running joke of the film revolves around how much Vampira loves being a black woman in the 1970's and how ridiculously uncomfortable Count Dracula is about being married to a black woman.   Dracula spends the entire movie trying to keep Vampira from being seen in public with her "condition" but Vampira takes to the 1970's party lifestyle so well the last thing she wants to do is stay cooped up inside. 

Selling Point: The movie is funny and you FINALLY get to see Linda Hayden with fangs no thanks to Hammer!

Female Vampire Factor: We have two in this film...

Linda Hayden (Helga)

As I have stated in the past, the fact that she wasn't turned in "Taste the Blood of Dracula" irked me to no end.  This film makes that snub a little less painful even if her time as a bloodsucker was only temporary.  Helga was a student who was working part time at Dracula's castle as Dracula's sexy vampire bride during the tourist attraction.  One day she shows up and tells Dracula's servant (who plays Dracula during the attraction) that she's turning in her resignation because she's tired of spending the day in a coffin.  He then tricks her into going to the wine cellar with him but actually locks her up in a cell.  Dracula is then asked to bite her in order to keep her there long enough for her to work the attraction for the playmates coming in but he ends up drinking too much and turns her into a full vampire (top scene).  Dracula ends up having to host the dinner himself as the now vampire Helga tries to bite every neck she goes near (bottom scene).  Sadly after the dinner Drac has her destroyed with a crossbow.  

Teresa Graves (Vampira)

It's never said when exactly Vampira was turned but by the way she acts I highly doubt it was that long before she went under which according to the movie was 50 years prior to the present day of the time which would put it around 1924.  She is obviously much younger than Dracula and she is definitely in 1920's attire when we first see her and begins to listen to 20's style flapper music when she wakes up.  This is in complete contrast to Dracula who seems stuck in stereotypical Dracula ways.  With her overly positive response to changing races it also eludes to the fact that she was definitely brought up in a much more open minded time period than that of Vlad the Impaler.  Anyway it doesn't take her long to blend end to the 70's London vibe and by the end of the movie we find that she's bi-sexual as well.  Honestly don't see the problem here Drac.

I'm a huge fan of this film and an even bigger fan of the late Teresa Graves portrayal of Vampira.  The one complaint I have is that even with her name being the title of the film it wasn't really about her but Dracula and his problem with her.  In the US they fix the issue by naming it "Old Dracula" but I just believe the movie would have been much more entertaining had it been about the sexy black vampire going crazy and feeding on everyone in the London party scene (which seemed to be what the character wanted to do).  Either way there is still enough of her for the film to get a Vampire Beauty Rating of 4 out of 5.