Vampiress TV Review: "Cliffhangers"

                                                                     Season 1

"The Curse of Dracula aka Dracula 79"

Cliffhangers was a TV show that aired only 10 episodes on NBC in 1979.  The premise was a one hour program that would feature 1 episode of a short serial every 20 minutes.  One was about a crime solving journalist and one was a sci fi western hybrid.  The one I'm covering here is the horror themed serial "The Curse of Dracula"

 The premise of this short was a woman named Mary along with her boyfriend Kurt Von Helsing were hunting Dracula.  Their issue with Dracula being that Kurt is obviously of the same bloodline as Abraham Van Helsing and Mary was the daughter of one of Dracula's victims.  

They find out Dracula is a night school professor so Mary sits in on one of his lectures.  After the Class Mary confronts him about her mother and his response regarding her was more of a long lost love than that of someone he victimized. He then talks about how she reminds him of her and pretty much falls for her to the point of obsession the rest of the series. 

For the remainder of the show Dracula tries to turn Mary and make her his newest bride while Kurt tries to stop him.  Our first female vampires of the series are introduced in the episode "Demons of the Dark" as it's revealed that Dracula has bitten and turned three students in his class that he uses for the remainder of the show as hench people.  One a guy named Darryl who is killed off pretty quickly actually and also a girl named Christine.

The third student Antoinette has a much larger role than the other two students as she is infatuated with Dracula to an obsessive degree and is very much jealous of the attention he gives Mary.  This results in her plotting to kill Mary behind his back in hopes that once she's gone he'll love her.  

Unlike your average "Dracula has brides already but is obsessed with someone else" stories he does actually succeed in partially turning Mary and she does get a few fang out moments where she fights the urge to bite Kurt.  Especially when they're trying to cure her through treating her with holy water once an hour that results in her losing it.  

It's during the point where she's turning that we're introduced to her mother Amanda played by soap opera legend Louise Sorel who is shown to not have died as her daughter thought but was turned into a vampire by Dracula and was in hiding while planning a way to kill Dracula herself.  She makes herself known once she sees that Dracula has targeted her daughter the same way she was and tries to help her fight her vampire urges before she completely turned. 

 
Final Opinion:  This was a fantastic Dracula based series that I have fond memories of seeing on reruns in the 90's that I can't recommend enough.  Sorel as a vampire is unforgettable and the first scene where Mary fangs out is super hot as she sees Kurts exposed neck and hears his heartbeat and begins to breath heavy as her fangs slowly start to appear before Amanda makes her first appearance also fangs blaring to stop her from feeding on him.   I give it a Vampire Beauty Rating of 5 out of 5. 

Vampiress XXX Review: "From Lust Till Dawn"

 

The Gist:  Once she's brought back from the dead a vampiress sends her minions after the offspring of those who originally destroyed her. 

Female Vampire Factor: The movie is told from the point of view of a woman named Monica Dawn (Christina Black) who is being interviewed by a guy.

She somehow knows every detail of everything that happened well before her own involvement so she gives the story from the beginning starting with how a group of vampire hunters stopped a sexy vampire Queen named Cassandra (Shay Sights) by setting her on fire and hiding her ashes. 

Monica then explains that 20 years later a woman named Angelique found the ashes (Stevie).  We then get a sex scene featuring Angelique seducing a man in a dirty room before having sex and biting him. 

She then spills his blood over Cassandra's ashes bringing her back from the dead.

Cassandra then orders her minions to seek out the ancestors of those who destroyed her so that she may drink their blood. 

This leads to a couple sex scenes that end with collecting the blood of women.  The first being a threesome with two vampire guys and a girl and the second being a lesbian scene with Angelique seducing a nun.  The final ancestor is the narrator of the story Monica who Cassandra confronts herself at what seems to be an S&M club (this is also the point in which Cassandra's costume which has been holding on for dear life to keep her large fake breasts in check just gives up).

This leads to an orgy scene between Monica, Cassandra and a male vampire.  Right when Sonya goes to bite Monica she pushes Cassandra away, fangs out herself and proceeds to make short work of the vampires eventually killing all of them. 

Back in present day the guy interviewing Monica tells her that he does not believe a word of her story.  Monica basically says she doesn't care then forces herself on him. 

Just as it looks like she's going to bite him the guy wakes up in a sweat in his bed.  He goes into his bathroom to throw some water on his face when he realizes he's been bitten and his reflection disappears. 

Final Opinion: Considering the amount of garbage that was being passed as vampire films in the adult genre in the early 2000's which was still the era of bad Buffy the Vampire Slayer parodys this is very good. I was pleasantly surprised that the Monica Character gets the most vamp screen time considering she turns so late in the film but she flashes her fangs A LOT.

On top of that I love Cassandra's double fanged look and that costume is pretty amazing.

I give this a Vampire Beauty Rating of 5 out of 5.  Highly recommended. 

Vampiress Review: "Bram Stokers Dracula's Curse"

 

The Gist:  When a rogue vampire Countess and her brood break a truce between humans and vampires,  It's up to a disbanded group of vampire hunters along with the fiance of a woman kidnapped by the countess to stop them.

Female Vampire Factor: The main villain of the film is Countess Bathorly (Christina Rosenberg)

The film follows a similar premise as Kindred: The Embraced were vampires are divided into mafia style clans.  The Countess leads a clan that consists of all females.

She is pretty obviously inspired by Countess Elizabeth Bathory as her background story is exactly the same.   When it came to established vampire names, they changed a few letters I guess to establish them as their own. 

While all the other clans agreed to the truce Bathorly was nowhere to be found and presumed dead thus never agreed.  Once all the other clans became weak from not drinking human blood she sets out on a plan to send her vampiresses to hunt pure blood descendants of "Dracoolia's" original brides as drinking their blood would give them the strength to then destroy or force all the rest of the vampires to worship her.  

Most other female vamps in the film are just background T&A but there are A LOT of them.  You do get reveals that Dracoolia's brides looked exactly like the descendants that are being hunted.

Who themselves are revealed to have been turned by the films final battle including the sister of one of the vampire hunters and the missing girlfriend.

Finally the love interest of vampire hunter Jacob Van Helsing also turns out to be a vampire. The hunter in reality wants to be turned but she refuses as she loves him too much to curse him.

 She is forced to change her mind when he has fatal injuries and she turns him to save his life.

 

Final Opinion:  The film is probably 85% hot female vampires though they really don't do too much vampiric other than the above kidnapping and turning scenes and one scene where the boyfriend of the kidnapped girl is trained on how to kill a vampire by being confronted with a sexy vampire to see if he could do it. A scene which in itself is odd as it's addressed in the film that not all vampires are bad and they don't kill the ones who aren't and she does nothing to instigate being used for target practice. I guess we are to assume she is one of Bathorly's girls.

Otherwise they're just eye candy in the background of scenes which includes a small bit of vampire lesbianism and a lot of fight scenes.

I give this a Vampire Beauty Rating of 5 out of 5.  It's pretty corny and the ending twist is best described as super convenient as it completely nullifies the rest of the movie but it is definitely watchable if women with fangs is your thing. 

Vampiress Review: "Vampires vs The Bronx"

The Gist: It's up to a group of young kids to save the Bronx when they are the only ones to realize that the new real estate developers in town are really a cover for a brood of vampires looking to take over the neighborhood.  

Female Vampire Factor:  Our one and only femme vamp is Vivian (Sarah Gadon)

Vivian spends the first part of the film as an unassuming sweet innocent overly friendly white suburban stereotype who is repeatedly shown as a fish out of water in the urban lower class burrow she's moved into, often being met with paranoia from those who encounter her that she's just there to call the police on everyone. 

 

All the while the vampire related happenings are pointing at a blond man as the main vampire who the kids of the neighborhood identify and try to convince everyone exists.  Obviously no one believes them.

 

It isn't until about one hour in that its finally revealed that the main real estate agent is just a familiar for the vampires and the blonde vampire we thought was the main vampire was just a henchman.  Everything is cleared up when the boys steal a key from the vampires layer.  Vivian then goes around the neighborhood looking for them and after realizing that the owner of the local convenience store has figured her out (he see's that she doesn't show in the stores security camera) she fangs out and drains him. 

 The boys along with one of the local girls who's the only one who believes them eventually end up at the convenience store and realize the vampires got to the owner.  When the local gang bangers and the vampires go after them they escape but run into Vivian on the way.  Not knowing she's one of them they take her back home with them to safety.

When they get back to one of the boys apartments they start to realize Vivian is acting weird.  She's making small talk with his mom in an obvious effort to be invited in. As if she can't come in unless specificity invited.  

When their holy water starts to bubble they realize she's a vampire and out her to the kids mom.  Vivian then fangs outs and admits that she isn't just any vampire, she is the commanding vampire for an expedition to take over the Bronx. She demands her key but gets doused with holy water instead. 

From this point on till she is finally staked during the final fight scene between Vivians vampires and the residents of the Bronx, sweet Vivian is long gone and she spends the rest of the movie pretty much dressed like Selene from Underworld while fanging out and killing or attempting to kill anyone on screen with her that isn't another vampire.

 

 

Final Opinion: This is Netflix's newest original film and I have to say I have no complaints here and give it a Vampire Beauty Rating of 5 out of 5.  A movie where the main antagonist is an attractive female vampire who spends the last half of the film fanging out and biting people pretty consistently is as good as a PG horror comedy is going to get.  Not to mention the swerve of an unassuming background character for the majority of the film all of a sudden being not only the main baddy but a primarily vicious one at that was very well done.  Netflix does a very good job of giving some sex appeal to its horror comedy villains even when the main protagonists are children much like in their "Babysitter" franchise.  This definitely has high re-watchability. 

Vampiress Review: "Vampire Vlad"

The Gist: A vampire goes through somewhat of a mid-life crisis dealing with relationship problems and wanting kids.

Female Vampire Factor: Technically there are no female vampires in the series but the main character is played by the shows creator Kristen Lucas who obviously isn't male.

Final Opinion: The series starts out ok but then devolves into bad slapstick jokes.  Episode 1 pretty much is the best episode of the series which revolves around Vlad and his girlfriend breaking up.  From there you get awkward experiences like Vlad at yoga, Vlad at Karaoke, Vlad looking for the product of his sperm donation and Vlad trying to fit in at a college party.  Most of the jokes revolve on "him" taking figurative language literal.  I give it a Vampire Beauty Rating of 1 out of 5.

Vampiress Review: "Subfaratu"

The Gist: A group of people on a cruise to Puerto Rico venture into the Bermuda Triangle and when their ship sinks end up being rescued by a Nazi War ship that has been missing since World War 2 and is carrying a vampire.

Female Vampire Factor: There is only one.  Not only is the vampire not actually revealed until the end of the movie (though you are always aware that it is there) but it really doesn't have much to do with the film overall.  When you finally do see the vampire it is revealed that it is a woman (Chelsea Tolle) that one of the Nazi's is feeding crew members to because of a relationship they had when she was alive.

Final Opinion: As mentioned the vampire is not really that important to the plot.  Most of the movie it's kept in a torpedo room locked up and the times it gets out you only see a shadow.  It isn't till it's final scene where it's revealed that it is indeed an attractive woman and not some Nosforatu like monster (which is what's hinted at the entire movie).

Otherwise this is a goofy comedy that is best described as Gilligan's Island meets Hogans Hero's.  The cruise castaways try to be heroic but are pretty much idiots and the Nazi's who still think it's the 1940's want to surrender themselves to the Americans because they want to go to New York and become Broadway actors.    Overall though it's a pretty entertaining comedy.  Not much from the vampire end of course so it gets a Vampire Beauty Rating of 2 out of 5.

Vampiress Review: "Therapy for a Vampire"

The Gist: A vampire while attending therapy finds that the girlfriend of the artist contracted to draw his dreams is the doppelganger of his first love and has limited time to reincarnate the original into the new body. Problem is not only is she in a relationship but she's very head strong and he's married to a very vain and jealous vampire and his servant also has eyes for her.

Female Vampire Factor: The main antagonist of the film is the Countess Gräfin Elsa von Közsnöm (Jeanette Hain)

The countess is very vain and constantly bugs the count about her looks.  He is very much no longer into the marriage which is the bases of all his therapy sessions.  When he finds the girl who looks like his first love named Emily (Cornelia Ivancan) the count devises a plan where he uses her boyfriend Viktor to distract the countess while he works on Emily.  He tells her that Viktor can paint her so she can see how beautiful she is. These painting sessions don't really go well as Viktor is very clumsy and multiple times ends up hurting himself leaving the countess to try to control her blood lust long enough to get the paining done.

Eventually Viktor finishes the painting which ends up looking like Emily which the countess doesn't notice.  When she goes back to the castle to show the count she catches him with Emily.  When she realizes the painting is of her this sends her into a rage and she attacks and bites Emily.

The count takes Emily to his therapist to watch over her while he figures out how to keep her human.  While this happens Viktor finds her there in bed with the therapist and thinks she's seducing him when she's actually biting him. 

Emily has very little memory of what's been going on as she's always hypnotized during her meetings with the the count. She does realize she's now a vampire and let's Viktor know that she wants to turn him so they can be together forever.

This is short lived as the countess kidnaps both and ties them up leading to a final battle between the count and countess that ends with her accidentally staking herself while trying to stake the count as a neighbor opens the door leading to her running into it.

Before they can relax the counts servant kidnaps Emily and gives her a blood transfusion taking away her vampirism. When she realizes she's human again she begs the count to turn her back when the count finds her.   He attempts to bite her but in the process ends up getting her neckless and losing his fangs.  After realizing this he disappears into the night.

The film ends with the therapist reading up on the side effects of being bitten by a vampire and the counts servant is his newest patient.  The last scene shows Viktor and Emily and their life together with her now being a vampire.

Final Opinion: Can't say enough positive about this film  It's a very entertaining dark comedy with a very clever take on jealousy and toxic relationships as well as one of the few films to dive into the concept of a vampire bride not being cool with the wandering eyes of the count.  Most importantly you have a movie with a strong female vampire lead who is a predator and not a sympathetic character in any way and the object of the male vampires lust does get turned and you don't have to wait until the last 2 seconds of the film for it to happen.  For that I give it a Vampire Beauty Rating of 5 out of 5.