Vampires Review: "Vampire Cleanup Department"

The Gist: A socially awkward member of a group who secretly hunts and covers up the existence of vampires develops a relationship with a 200 year old vampiress who seems to be developing human feelings and emotions.


Female Vampire Factor: As explained the film is about a vampiress.  Her name is Summer (Len Min Chen)

She meets the films protagonist when he is on a vampire mission at a lake.

She attacks him and bites him on the mouth.  In the battle she loses a fang but via drinking his blood regains her human youth and beauty and the ability to feel human emotions.

The Vampire Cleanup Department or VCD capture her and prepare her body to be cremated but when the symbol that was holding her down accidentally was removed she came back to life and seemed to have bonded with with the guy she bit named Tim following him where ever he goes.

The remainder of the film revolves around Tim teaching Summer human behavior and eventually the two developing a boyfriend/girlfriend relationship all while trying to hide her from his co-workers who would want to kill her and the Vampire King who wants her for himself.

Final Opinion: Think of the 1980's romantic comedy "Date with an Angel" but with vampires and martial arts scenes (pretty much the same ending too). From a Vampire Beauty Standpoint I can only give it a rating of 2 out of 5.  Summer really doesn't do much vampiric in the film from a hunting and biting standpoint and is portrayed more as cute and sympathetic and provides much of the films comedy.  It also doesn't help that she's a Jiangshi (asian hopping zombie like vampire) so she spends a great deal of the movie hopping around.  With that being said it's a great movie entertainment wise and it's hard not to root for Tim and both sympathize and fall for Summer.  So as far as watching just for the sake of watching an entertaining film I highly recommend this.

Vampiress Music Video: Sunmi's "Full Moon" featuring Lena

"Full Moon"

Sunmi featuring Lena

Released in 2014

"Full Moon" is the first single of South Korean singer Sunmi's first solo mini album of the same title.  Prior to this Sunmi would be best known as a member of the K-Pop girl group the Wonder Girls.

K-Pop group "The Wonder Girls"

 In this video Sunmi is a vampire who has captured the object of her effections and bitten him.  The rest of the video consists of her dancing while while preventing the guy from leaving up until he finally turns by the video's end. 

The main thing I should mention is that there are NO FANGS in this video.  Much like Twilight their vampirism is seen through the color of their eyes. 

The main selling point for me in this video is South Korean rapper "Lena's" part of the video.  Her costume during her solo is the sexiest thing on it. Especially during the scene where she teleports to different parts of the room.

Vampiress Review: Blood Sisters

The Gist: A young coed and her room mate are targeted by a sorority of homicidal vampires to become it's newest members.

Clarification:  This is one of those bad movies that would show up on the USA Network at about 3 in the morning if NBC Universal didn't buy the network and use it as the outlet channel for Law and Order reruns.  The best warning I can give before attempting to watch this film is that I'm 95% sure it was accidentally edited out of order (I should mention that the version I saw was the 3D addition).  Not that it would really matter considering the story structure even if in order is all over the place though I've reviewed movies that are WAY less watchable than this with the same problem.   So when you get to things happening like a vampire both having a heart to heart in the bedroom with another vamp while having a fight in the kitchen with a victim trying to escape seemingly at the same time, you're inclined to give it a pass as by that point there really are no expectations for the film.

Selling Point:  Most feeding scenes are preceded by a sexy strip tease.

Female Vampire Factor:  By my count only 2 guys get actual purpose outside of being an immediate victim meaning that the majority of the cast is female.  All the vampires that get any screen time are women and unlike many low budget "Hey, we have a camera and a computer, lets make a film" style movies like this the women are at the WORST an 8 out of 10.   That means if you're easily distracted by hot girls then you'll hardly notice the ridiculous amount of bad acting and story flaws that makes this movie very comical unintentionally. 

Eliza (above played by Deborah Huber) is the head vampiress of the sorority and also the oldest.   Despite us being told repeatedly in the film that she is the most dangerous of the group she actually does the least amount of killing as far as victims go and just kind of shows up for the scraps.  She can definitely be described as a snob and she's VERY bossy

The other two members of the sorority are Brandi (Anne Marie) and Rose (Phoebe Dollar).  Brandy comes off as a follower who pretty much does whatever she's told without question.  Rose on the other hand though just as slutty (these two are the ones who give naked strip shows throughout the film) seems to have either a conscience or just more logic to question whether they should be more careful in how they're feeding. Unfortunately for her that eventually puts her on Eliza's bad side.

Then we have our lovely coeds Melissa (Kerry Lui) and Tracy (Erica Howards).  Tracy is the one the group actually wants but Melissa just kind of tags along as she has nothing better to do since she comes off as a bit of a slacker (breaking every stereotype about Asian college students set by the Harold and Kumar film series).  I guess that comes into play after the two are initiated into the sorority and Tracy fights it while Melissa pretty much gives in immediately (below).

Though I don't condone irresponsible drinking, I've got to say that a pretty good drinking game to this movie would be to drink every time Tracy freaks out about something.  I don't know whether it's the acting or the character is written this way but she is just awkward.  Her reaction once she finds out that Melissa killed her "boyfriend" was easily the most funny and annoying thing I've every laid my eyes on (no matter what emotion the character seems to be dealing with it just comes off as whiny and nagging). I will give the film a Vampire Beauty Rating of 4 out of 5 as it has plenty of sex appeal but this is more of a film to watch if you enjoy laughing at absurdity.